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Poetry
Last Goodbye
By ParadiseLost
02 October 2008
I have been working on this one for a while. It's not great. But I like it.
Comments always welcomed.

As the rain falls and patters on the ground.
All I can hear is your heart beating to a passionate sound.
We step closer and our hearts become entwined.
More rhythmic and classical than Mozart and Beethoven combined.
The rain suddenly stops as I begin to stare.
My hand brushes through your smooth silk like hair.
I want to lean in but I'm lost in your eyes.
But when my lips find yours there is a surprise.
The speed of my heart is now a sensation.
The kiss is gentle with a new feeling of relaxation.
Goodbyes I dread but this is outstanding.
It's like we are connected have a understanding.
We stop but a is not even spoken.
As the word goodbye would leave us broken.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 4th October 2008
Sorry PL, not my cup of tea. The rhymes were overly obvious and the metre was very lumpy. Possibly a poem worth writing - but if so, one definitely worth working on.  
 
It says in the intro: 
 
Quote:
Comments always welcomed.

 
 
You might get a few more if you did a little yourself. It's a give and take community. 
 
Phil

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