|
. . . go Dutch?
Last night I dreamed of you returned to dust
and kissed your lips, which crumbled at my touch
where all my passion had once so much trust.
I turn my face, ashamed, as so I must,
against the wall, where nothing matters much.
Last night I dreamed of you returned to dust.
I asked you, "Is this love, or simply lust,
through which my aching gaze falls on your crutch,
where all my passion had once so much trust?"
You turned to me, negotiated, fussed
about the time you had me in your clutch.
Last night I dreamed of you returned to dust.
The lightest breeze, the briefest futile gust
would carry you to me - we'd go half Dutch,
where all my passion had once so much trust.
I had my dream, but all my dreams went bust.
My nightmares were all full of you and such.
Last night I dreamed of you returned to dust,
where all my passion had once so much trust.
|
Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 4th October 2008 | I have an aversion to listening to other people's dreams. Don't know what it is - makes me feel slightly uncomfortable - even if there's no mention of necrophilia! 
Anyway - as it's you, I stuck this one out and I'm glad I did. It touches on gothic - at least in my imagination. (In setting, I mean.) Not sure about the crutch line. It made me snigger. Still, that could be a reflection of my juvenile mind rather than your word choice.
Phil | Phil!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 4th October 2008 | The 'crutch line' had you in mind - and that's a compliment BTW!
Oh ho ho!
Knickerless X |
Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 4th October 2008 | You can keep your gaze off my crutch - thank you very much!
Phil - very much knickered.  | It wasn't YOUR . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 4th October 2008 | . . . crutch that I was thinking of . . .
On a more serious matter:
Should it be 'crutch' or 'crotch'?
The distinction seems to have been left behind!?
Other contibutors' comments also welcome on this serious matter of profound consequencer!
Yo ho!
John X |
Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 4th October 2008 | | Either or - I think. |
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 5th October 2008 | | I agree with Phil. I wonder if you, or the dreamer, feels insecure? You feel that relationships crumble easily and can be no more than just a dream? It can't be you, though, but the person within the poem. Or perhaps the writer feels that he doesn't want to be held tight and would rather the relationship be built on sand? A psychiatrist is needed here John, but your poem was interesting. | Psychiatrist?!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 5th October 2008 | Yes, Josie, and thank you so much for this very insightful review.
When I feel up-beat, I think a psychiatrist needs me.
When down, I need her / him.
Ah well, such is life!
Love John X |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 5th October 2008 | This is a recurring theme in your work, Tolstoy. The death of a lover - or maybe the death of a love. I don't think it would take a qualified psychoanalyst to work it out.
Maybe it is the "crutch" (should definitely be crotch) gazing that is the problem. Shouldn't you be gazing into her eyes?
| Crutch / Crotch?
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 5th October 2008 | Thanks V.!
A damnable line that lowers the tone horribly, especially in the light of 'ainsel's' superb recent villanelle.
It's forced nonsense - the only other rhyme is 'hutch', but then I didn't think I could slickly weave in a theme about 'rabbits' here!
Ho!
And that wretched line,
"My nightmares were all full of you and such."
doesn't even make sense . . .
Deary me - I must desist from posting until I've got something more worthy of the excellence of others . . .
Cheers V.!
John X |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
