It's a fabulously blue day in Bolton today. Made all the more valuable because we have so few round here - in fact I think the rain gods of the world retired here when the Age of Reason decreed them an imaginary force.
Sadly, on this lovely day, I'm stuck inside preparing for the week ahead - and procrastinating by doing this.
Apologies to Rupert Brooke.
Blue skies over Bolton
If I should drown, think only this of me:
That there’s some corner of a foreign field*
That is for ever sodden. There shall be
In that wet earth a damper soil congealed;
A soil that sticks to boots and soaks its way
Into the soul, ‘til tramped on kitchen floor
And vacuumed rugs. And then the housewife pays
Her last respects and mops me out the door.
So think, this Tyke, all meanness washed away,
A drop in the eternal cloud, no less
Would like to dry from rain so freely given;
His desiccated body spend its days
In’t laughter, born of friends; and Northenness
His heart at peace, under a Yorkshire heaven.
(*Lancashire)
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
When you borrow from such an iconic work you need to acquit yourself very well and for my money I thought you did a grand job.
I don't really know the poem well but I'm guessing that you stuck pretty closely to it. I thought it read very well in it's own right but the fact that you borrowed from a famous poem gave it a wonderful ironic twist and a bit of added wit. There was a lovely bit of wistful longing that was summed up perfectly in that last line. You're.
a bit of an old romantic at heart.
cheers
jane
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
"a damper soil congealed" - brilliant!
I like this very much, but, oh, the treachery of a Lancastrian wishing himself in Yorkshire! You could get expelled for that! |
Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
Ah - a misunderstanding, Veronica. I'm not a Lancastrian, I'm a Yorkshireman living in Lancashire.
Thanks for reading, Jane and Veronica.
Phil |
Phil - you post too infrequently!
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
Enjoyable as always - very brave to paraphrase such an iconic poem, as a writer really needs to know how far they can go without appearing trite, disrespectful, or ignorant. I'm happy to say that you avoid these, and all other pitfalls.
Lines 5 - 8 had me laughing, and I loved the idea of soil soaking into the soil (you could almost be a celt, boyo!).
I guess V's misunderstanding puts an end to that old Lancastrian joke - How can you tell a Yorkshireman? Because he would have bloody told you he was one!
Enjoyed
Cheers |
Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
Cheers, Brett. There's a fair dollop of Scottish blood in me - a slightly different type of Celt perhaps.
Phil |
Phil
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
There's a fair dollop of scotch in me, but no scots I fear!
But if it wasn't for the Scot Cunedda, the Welsh language would have died out long ago and been replaced by Irish Gaelic. Nothing to do with your poem, so I apologise - should have put it in a pm.
Cheers |
Oh ho ho!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
Brilliant, Phil!
Agree with all above . . .
I've only just recovered enough from chortling to post this.
Yes, I wish you would post more - your work is always of the highest quality and much admired by me and by all who read it . . .
Phwoooargh!
Cheers!
John X |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
| A bit homesick Phil? Well, judging from pictures I have seen I can understand that the people of Yorkshire miss their county when 'abroad'. A wonderful poem. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
DON'T tell anyone you are not a Lancastrian. I feel myself to be an honorary Yorkshirewoman, having studied for 3 years in Leeds. Would love to go back, but the work is down here in the Deep South of England.
Agree with Katanga, we need more of your poems to leaven this board with wit. |
It's the BALANCE
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
First, let me say that I have never been a fan of the Brooke poem; to me it almost demands parody, and I have seen one or two.
Where this excels is the way the first few lines stick very close to the original in its form, then the concept is widened from the word drownculminating in the very, very funny eighth line .
The versa is cleverly executed, to return to a close parallel, but on a humorous plane , to the original.
Frankly, Phil, I envy you this piece. It turns what I have always thought of as rather maudlin into a brilliant piece of irony,and almost gallows humour . yet the last lines are fully redolent of that Northern English humour that I find irresistible.
Te saluto
patterjack
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Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 5th October 2008 |
| Wonderful Phil. You did this so well. However, we have also had a lot of rain in Yorkshire and it seems as if the gods are against me getting out to do the last things on my garden for the year. In fact, with this dreadful summer, the garden is absolutely waterladen. We too had a nice day, of course, in Yorkshire, and everyone dropped what they were doing and went out to take in the last of the sunshine. The moors were teaming with people slipping and sliding on the wet grass, sinking in mires and trying to avoid the lakes on the paths, but, despite that, they and I too (for I can walk again after a long, long time of not being able to), really enjoyed our day. Perhaps winter will be better than summer. |
Hi Phil
Written by jean.day (2386 comments posted) 6th October 2008 |
I too thought this was very cleverly executed, and I enjoyed it very much.
I spent quite a bit of time with the orignal poem when I was writing something which included the First World War poets.
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Written by grace (173 comments posted) 6th October 2008 |
A triumph Phil,
you have complimented this I believe and enhanced it, rather than offending it.
"a damper soil congealed"
is brilliant and you have brightened my day considerably regardless of location and weather with your wonderful gift,
I absolutely loved it!
Pamx
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Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 6th October 2008 |
| Great last two lines to the first verse. Do men up there still have to wait at the back door whilst the wife covers the kitchen floor with newspaper? Very enjoyable. |
Bravo Phil
Written by fellpony (1749 comments posted) 6th October 2008 |
| I nearly missed this but PJ pointed me to it and by golly I'm glad I read it. I am in the Uni library and I had to choke back my laughter at line 8. I could see Thora Hird in Last of the Summer Wine ... Very very well conceived and executed. I think you have graduated as a poet :-) |
Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 6th October 2008 |
Thank you, all. Glad you enjoyed it - and that Sue 'got' Thora Hird.
Phil |
Virtual Champagne on me!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 6th October 2008 |
I thoroughly agree with Sue!
Your graduation ceremony has been far-too-long delayed.
I can hear the corks popping now . . .
Beers!
I raise my arse!
John X |
Written by Livinginanattic (473 comments posted) 6th October 2008 |
Great stuff, though I had to look up the Brooke poem to fully appreciate it. Very funny piece.
Ben |
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