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By emma777
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07 October 2008 |
My first haiku!
Feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!!
Emma
Mother’s swollen tears
Brown waters, goading, mocking
An autumnal dam
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Hello Emma!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 7th October 2008 | I think this is a superb Haiku!
Don't know what more to say . . .
It's like a 'senryu'., in that your point is about the 'human condition', and yet you write ''autumnal', which qualifies it as a Haiku.
Respect - love it!
John X |
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 8th October 2008 | Admirable, but is it haiku or senryu? I liked 'Brown waters' and 'autumnal dam.' Relating the human condition (the traditional subject of senryu) to the natural world (the subject of haiku) is interesting (I tried the same in a very early post on here). Haiku or senryu it is a very powerul image portrayed.
Enjoyed.
Cheers |
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