I can not speak right now.
I don't want to talk about it.
I can not talk about it.

I feel if I spoke up that I will break into tiny little pieces, the thin strip
of non verbal commutation is the only thing keeping me together
Keeping me sane.

But, I bet I sound insane...Well, wrote this like I am insane.
No, worries.
I am just...Just depressed.
And miserable and gloomy, and cold, and angry plus I feel like my physical self
is so numb.
I woke and the sky was grey and the air was cold but I couldn't really feel anything like I was numb-Well I could still feel a low sense of unhappiness, it was there.
I am trying to find things to do to keep my mind off the things that started this in the first place.

It isn't as easy as it should be.
Distractions usually work or maybe this whole terribleness is a distraction from reality.
Reality that would like to keep me in it's short grip.
Oh, man I do sound stone cold nuts.

I am feeling so many things and I am not feeling anything at all.
If I cry it will hurt.
I hardily cry, I bottle it up all inside until I am ready to snap and then I cry with angry tears. When I cry it stings like hell, like someone stuff pepper behind my eyeballs and after wards my eyes and sockets throb.

Then come the headaches and sense of surrealism.

What is lost cannot ever be saved.

And I have lost my mind.