Oh well . . .
A Pentametric Pantaloon!
Why not?!
John X
Love's Twilight
And could you tell me when love's twilight comes,
when all our comforts crumble into dust?
Or will approaching darkness leave you dumb,
as we prepare for parting, as we must?
When all our comforts crumble into dust,
will you still take my hand and gently squeeze,
as we prepare for parting, as we must,
from simple pleasures born of careless ease?
Will you still take my hand and gently squeeze
the love from me for you I've always held?
From simple pleasures born of careless ease,
we've grown to passion, spent, our fires quelled.
The love from me for you I've always held
has lifted us from adolescent pain.
We've grown to passions spent, our fires quelled.
We should not contemplate our loss, our gain.
Will you now leave me with a toast to death,
or will approaching darkness leave you dumb,
too numb to answer my last dying breath?
And could you tell me when love's twilight comes?
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 11th October 2008 | I've always wanted to use the term bitter/sweet and now I think I justifiably can. This was sad and poignant and loving. The metre and rhyme were deceptive, giving the appearance of a simple bit of whimsical verse but it was much more complex than that with a bit of an edge to it.
This was sensitive and powerful [if that's possible] and very restrained but you come away from it a bit unsettled.
I've been reading quite a few sparse poems lately and it was nice to wallow in one with all the trimmings.
cheers
jane | Jane!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 11th October 2008 | Thank you so much - your review means an awful lot to me.
I think it's the best review I've ever had on GW.
I am both flattered and ashamed.
Beers!
John X |
Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 12th October 2008 | A return to a familiar Katanga theme. I'm glad Jane mentioned unsettled. Often - and certainly here - when you write of love and death - there is a sweetness, but also an underlying insecurity that hides in the words and then occasionally pops out directly. This isn't a crit, by the way, just an observation. That it manages to unsettle is testament to power behind such gentle pieces. Can't put my finger on quite how you do it.
Forgive me the amateur psychology. I am in no way suggesting that what I've written reflects your feelings, it's just there, for me, in the words you write.,
Phil |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 12th October 2008 | I agree with Phil, this "death of love" such is familiar Tolstoy territory but no less poignant for that. I think, John, you give a lot of your self away in these poems. Is it inevitable that the passions remain spent? I hope that some happier verses are just around the corner.
Is a Pantaloon some poetic form I haven't met yet? Or is it anironic refrence to an lederly writer? Just 9 months ago I had to look up "iambic pentameter" to remind myself what it was, now I am trying to work out of this is a rondeau or something... | Thanks Veronica!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 14th October 2008 | Many thanks for this review, V. - I guess I was somewhat in the slough of this pond . . .
As for form, I was making a poor joke in the intro - it's actually a 'Pantoum'.
Cheers!
John |
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 17th October 2008 | Enjoyable and interesting. I have always felt the pantoum should lend itself to comic or light content, but this works well.
'...a toast to death' is a sombre, yet lovely phrase.
Thought that I had previously left a review on this - oh, dear!
Cheers |
Written by rabdash (9 comments posted) 23rd October 2008 | Not sure how much I can contribute to this - the previous comments seem to say it all....although I wanted to say how MUCH I enjoyed reading it, I think its amazing. I am kind of here to learn, so I'm not that in on the technical terms, but I do love the way you repeat certain lines from stanza to stanza, its really effective!! But yes, easily the best poem I've read here....  |
Written by rabdash (9 comments posted) 23rd October 2008 | | Sorry, I am rude....hello! MY name is Catherine, and I am new here, wishing to leanr more about poetry, because I think a good poem can make anyone do anything....is that too cheesy?? Anyway, thanks for reading my comment! Catherine xx |
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