Moses approached the burning bush carefully, averting his gaze so as not to blind himself by viewing the full splendor of The Lord God. Through the corner of his eye he saw the bush blazing brightly, with a light so intense it made the sun itself seem as impotent as a flickering candle in a room of infinite cold. Nervously, he croaked out. "Uh... hello, God? It's Moses. I-"

GREAT GOOGILY MOOGILY! The Lord exclaimed in a voice that went beyond mere words and hearing. A voice so incredibly and utterly powerful that it wasn't expressed through something as mundane as sound or vibration, as even the mightiest of sounds simply would not do. As the Lord spoke, his will was not heard, it simply was. MOSES! I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU. EXCUSE ME, LET ME MAKE MYSELF DECENT. At that, The Lord summoned a tremendous fire extinguisher and completely clouded the bush in foam and fog. When the fog cleared, a man stood who, had he been born a few millennia later, Moses would have noticed bore an uncanny resemblance to the Colonel Sanders.

"There, that's better!" God said, his voice now one of those of men, though by no means as mundane. Every word he uttered still held in it all the gravity, importance, and power the universe had to offer. "Well Moses, what was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Well God," Moses began, now slightly more comfortable, "it's these commandments of yours."

"Oh? How do you like them? Completely and utterly infallible, right? I'm particularly fond of number eight billion three hundred ninety nine million two hundred sixty thousand one hundred seventy four."

"Ah, yes. ‘Thou shalt not leave flaming sacks of canine fecal matter on library door steps.' That was a particularly riveting one, Lord, I must say."

"Aaaah, but aren't they all, Moses? Aren't they all?" God said, staring off into the distance as he did as if entranced by something that managed to combine the distractive ability of a changing woman and a fireworks display, but without nearly as many third degree burns.

"God? God? Hello? GOD!" Moses cried, trying to turn his creator's attention away from his own splendor.

"What? Oh right, Moses. So, you came down here to tell me you liked the commandment?"

"No, I didn't Lord. You see, I-"

"You didn't like the commandment?" God said, an accusatory tone to his voice. "Are you saying you believe the Jewish people SHOULD leave flaming sacks of dog crap on library door steps? Is that what you're saying Moses? Are you some sort of pro-illiteracy fecal pyromaniac? Well?"

"No! No! I'm not a pro-illiteracy whateveryoucalledme! That's not what I meant at all, Lord." He explained quickly and with a hint of desperation.

"Oh? Then what are you trying to say?" God inquired, glaring.

"I just think that there are a few too many commandments. I mean, do we really NEED to tell the people not to set sacks of dog waste on fire and put them on library doorsteps? It all seems a bit overly specific, is all. A bit micro managing. Maybe we could prune a bit, get down to a select few core commandments that we mean to-"

"Oh. I see. So what you're basically saying is you don't like me. Is that it?" God pouted.

Moses sighed. "That's not what I'm saying in the slightest, I just-"

"Yes that is! That's exactly what you said! You don't like me! Don't try and take it back!"

"Lord, please, you're acting like a child!"

"'You're acting like a child!'" God said in a high-pitched imitation of Moses' voice that didn't actually sound a thing like Moses at all. "I don't have to let you all exist, you know. This is MY universe. I can kick you all out, and replace you with something more pleasant. Penguins, maybe. With jetpacks, and rivers of linguini. How would you like THAT Mr. I-Heart-Flaming-Dog-Crap?"

"I've never related any of my major organs with incinerating sacks of canine waste, and you KNOW it!"

"Maybe I don't know it. Maybe I'm just STUPID. That's what you certainly seem to think." At this point, God's pouting evolved into full-fledged tears. "It's all ‘Let's defy God! He'll never know! He's too stupid! Let's go eat apples!' It's all apples with you people, big red juicy Macintosh apples! You only ever liked me for my big fancy universe anyway!"

"That's not true!" Moses lied astoundingly. "We like you for who you ARE. You've got plenty of great features!"

God sniffled. "Oh yeah? Like what?"
Moses let out a torrent of curses in his head as he tried desperately to invent something believable. "Well, you... ah... You're very, very... Tall. Yes, you're very tall, and we admire that. And you can turn people into jelly on a whim, but you usually don't unless you're in a particularly bad mood or if it strikes you as being rather funny at the time, and that's a good quality in a deity, I've found. And... uh... I'm sure you're one hell of a..." Moses was running out of ideas, and God was starting to look like he was going to have another outburst. "Yodeler?" He asked himself aloud desperately, wincing with self-loathing as he did so.

God looked ecstatic. "Oh, do you really think so? I've always seen myself as more of an operatic tenor, but I can certainly yodel quite a ditty!" He said, bouncing. "Would you like to hear one? Oh, I'm so glad." He finished, not giving Moses a chance to come up with a half-believable reason to say no.

After several minutes of auditory torture, God asked. "So, what do you think?"

Moses, still twitching, said "Excellent. Excellent. Quite... yes, excellent. But sir, perhaps we should get back to the business of editing these commandments of yours..."

God's face fell. "Oh. Right. That." He said, managing to condense contempt into the last word like a fat man's stomach in a corset. "You know, I really don't know if I can have a leader of the Jewish people who can't handle a bit of proper management. Maybe I should talk to that Joshua bloke..."

"Please, Lord. I'm perfectly able to handle the job. Isn't there something we could work out?"

God contemplated this for a moment, trying to decide the best way to twist the situation to his amusement. Finally, he said, "I'll tell you what. We can cut my commandments down to ten. No more, no less."

"Ten? Oh, that's fantastic, Lord! I'll get right on-"

"Not so fast."

"Hm?"
"I want them written in stone."

"Ah, stone? Could we discuss that? I was thinking maybe we could just write it down in some flyers and distribute those throughout the community. Kind of like with a bake sale."

"No. They're MY commandments, and I say what they're going to be written in, and I say stone."

Moses sighed heavily. "Stone it is, Lord."

"Excellent. Now, what would you like for me to yodel next?"

Moses winced, and tried to force a grin.