I haven't been around for a few days. Here's why.
Doors, A Dog Artist, A Quick Trip, and My Daughter’s Boyfriend Doesn’t Wear Bicycle Pants
I’ve been busy over the past couple weeks working on home-improvement projects Mrs. Em decided we needed. The work began in my office, which looks out over the pool. Two wall of the office are glass, and one of those walls held a sliding glass door, which, I suppose is an American door. My wife decided it would be nice to replace the door with fancy French doors that has 15 panes in each door. Personally, I have to admit, I didn’t like the sliding glass doors either, but I favored replacing them with Australian doors or Cameroon doors. My vote didn’t count however, so after ripping out the old doors, we now have French doors. After seeing the French doors installed, Mrs. Em decided the front door to the house was much too dated to hang in a house with French doors, so I was dispatched to the home center and returned with a new door that features beveled, leaded glass in the center. She is happy except she now wants me to redo the master bath and the guest bathroom.
After I finished installing the doors, I, of course, had to paint them. I absolutely hate painting. I hate painting mainly because I am so bad at it. No matter how many tarps or newspapers I spread around, when I finish, the area I’ve just painted looks like the scene of a triple homicide of rainbow unicorns. I painted the outside of the French doors, and then I decided to paint the outside walls of my office. Unfortunately, I had help.
Ed the Basset Hound, the most curious of the eight dogs living here, decided to give me a hand…or tail. Every time I turned around, Ed had his tail in the paint can or paint on his nose. Finally, I dipped his tail in the paint and used it to touch up the bottom trim. He was delighted and quite a mess. White paw prints dotted the tile floor inside the house, and it took me about an hour to clean Ed’s masterpiece up.
I finished the doors and painting just in time for Mrs. Em and I to fly to Oregon last week to visit my daughter and her kids. My daughter, Devon (pronounced Devin), has been living with a guy for the last year, but this was the first time we met him. He has two kids and Devon has three. They live in Portland, in a renovated 1912 house that is beautiful. Anyway, the new guy is named Michael and has a partially removed finger, just like me. So, I’m thinking, “This guy has got to be all right,” but held judgment until I saw what he was wearing. The last guy my daughter had a relationship with was a total dick, a metrosexual control freak that paraded around in bicycle pants and lycra shirts. I wanted to punch him as soon as I laid eyes on him. The relationship was doomed.
Michael, I’m glad to say, is all right. He seems to love my daughter and her kids, and his kids are great. We had a good time with the grand kids, ate some good food, went ice-skating, and I petted every dog I saw.
My niece stayed at our house and took care of our pack while we were away, but I’m not so sure it went that well. When we got back and drove up to the house, there was graffiti painted on the garage door. It read, “The peepol who liv here abandoned theyre dogz.” When we walked in, I noticed Ed’s tail was red.
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Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 14th October 2008 | As ever, I enjoyed the read. A typically Em ending - and as this is in non-fiction, I believe every word.
There are times when I think I'm the antithesis of metrosexuality - much to the disgust of my wife.
Phil |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 14th October 2008 | I'm firmly of the opinion that metrosexuals are really just an invention of the media,cos it's a clever word, but if you've met one they must exist. I'm sure your urge to hit him is the correct response.
Writing about dogs will always get gold stars from me and doing it so humorously, even more so. The DIY incidents were full of hilarious subtext.
Good fun
jane |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 21st October 2008 | You're having a lot of fun with your dogs haven't you? I'd almost suspect Ed to have painted your garage door 
I think BBS is right about Metrosexuals. Just invent a label, stick it on someone like Beckham and suddenly you can sell all the cosmetics women didn't want to buy to men. |
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