Rudolph Gangrel sat down in a restaurant in Addison Maine, and ordered a taco. It was fairly bland as far as restaurants go; it was rather diner-esque in decoration and set-up though the waitresses were disappointingly friendly and devoid of sass, plentiful bosoms or the other things they tend to absorb via television. The tablecloths weren't a garish and tacky blue checkered pattern, but instead a creamy tan. Rudolph smiled as the waitress set down his meal, and was about to contemplate his disappointment at her bland friendliness, when he noticed the face of Jesus in his taco.

Now, this was of course very distracting for Rudolph at the time. He didn't get out much on his own, he preferred to experience the world through friends, books, and television, so it was rare that he actually experienced much of the small things in life first-hand. As inexperienced in the commonalities of life as he was, however, he was fairly sure that seeing the face of Christ in his chorizo was not one of them.

"Hello!" The Son of God said cheerfully.

"Der... whubba?" Rudolph replied stupidly. This was a development he was not prepared for atop an incident he was still reeling from. He was fairly sure deities did not spontaneously manifest themselves in Mexican food, or any food for that matter, very often. He was fairly sure that they usually just appeared there staring happily for people to take snapshots of them and let out cries of miracle, and that they did not stop by for a pleasant chat. He was also fairly sure that he'd lost his mind.

"I'm Jesus, but you can call me ‘Manny'." The taco meat offered.

"I... Uhm... Well, hello Manny. I'm Rudolph." He stammered. "I... Do you often... The... The taco meat."

"Oh no, no. I mean, this taco is nice and all- very comfortable, thank you- but it's not really my style. I don't do as much talking as people think, it tends to get me into trouble." Manny winked at Rudolph who let out a nervous chuckle, and felt his anxiousness trickle away a bit. Manny had a very soothing voice for pork, and it was working wonders on Rudolph.

"Ah yeah, well that's a... that's a real honor, Mr. Jesus sir."

"Manny. And don't sweat it, you seem like a nice guy. I think we'll get along well."

"Get along...?"

"Well, this visit wasn't strictly personal. No Rudolph, we're curious up top to see what the word from the man on the street is. What is there you'd change, what is there that doesn't make sense, etc...? The big man cares, and he wants to know."

Rudolph paused momentarily.

"I'm sorry, I should have called ahead so you'd have more time to think of something. If you need me to come back later-"

"No, no. It's just... Well, I'm sitting in a diner talking to a taco. You'd think more people would be staring." Rudolph said, perplexed.

"They probably would be, if they could see you. But that would be mighty inconvenient, don't you think?"
"You can make me disappear?"

"Why not? Siegfried and Roy could manage it, and I like to think I've got the upper hand."

Without really thinking, Rudolph replied "I dunno about that. Water to wine is great and all but..."

Manny arched his right eyebrow. "Pardone moi?"

"Oh my go- I mean, dag flabbit Mr. Jesus sir, I'm sorry! I honestly didn't mean anything I just-" Rudolph rambled anxiously, looking over his shoulder expecting to be turned into a pillar of salt or to have his favourite fig tree smitten or something equally unpleasant. Instead, he just heard the casual chuckle of Christ.

"I love doing that to people. Sorry, just a little bit of fun on my part. What's the point of being the Lamb of God if you can't throw your weight around a bit?" He mused to himself. "But look at it this way; Siegfried or Roy or whichever got his rear end handed to him by that Tiger, and he was that thing's master. One of my guys gets tossed into a lion pit, and he's a-okay. I hate to say it Rudy, but a couple of flamboyant Russians don't have a thing on the son of god."

"German."

"Huh?"

"I'm pretty sure that Siegfried and Roy are German, not Russian. Or maybe they just have funny names. But Russian doesn't sound quite right." Rudolph explained.

"Well, don't you see, Rudy? This is why I need to talk to guys like you. Up in God's kingdom it's just bliss, bliss, bliss. There's no possible way we can truly offer you guys the best possible earth to live in unless we speak to people accustomed to such unholiness."

"But aren't you guys omniscient? I mean, shouldn't you know what I'm thinking, what I want, what's best, and all that?"

Manny smiled humbly. A spot of sour cream that had gotten too warm dripped onto Rudolph's pants leg. "I don't know if I'd say I'm omniscient. I'm certainly very very... uh... Scient, but things are a bit exaggerated down these parts."

Rudolph nodded thoughtfully. "Alright, that makes sense... Hmmm, well... For starters, maybe you could do something about all those starving folk. I don't think they're having too good a time of things."

"Well, what do you propose we do about that? I'm afraid I'm not much of a cook."

"Can't you just... I dunno, will a few million cheeseburgers into existence?"

"Well, I certainly COULD. But then where would I put them? And how would I explain them to the very confused (though thankful) starving people? And what do I do about any Ethiopian vegans?"

"Woah! You spoke in parentheses!" Rudolph exclaimed.

"See? I'd like to see Siegfried try that." Manny smirked.

"Well, couldn't you just make us photosynthesize or something? Like plants?"

"What about the chlorophyll? Do you really fancy the idea of what that'd do to your skin colour?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's not easy being green. People will be agitated." Manny explained.

"I dunno, it'd certainly promote racial unity."

"Yeah, until the Olive-Americans start beating down on the Aquamarine immigrants."

"True... Hmmmm." Rudolph fell into thoughtfulness again. "What about disease? That stuff's pretty foul."

"What would you propose I do about that?"

"Well, I'm not guessing you can make it just go away?"

"I could, but you wouldn't want me to. If people didn't die from disease, eventually you'd all just choke on each other's stink. Erm... Not to say that you all smell bad. You certainly might, but every time I'm ‘round these parts I'm slathered in taco ingredients or I'm predating the concept of daily showers, so I don't really know enough to judge."

"Right right... So you can't get rid of disease... But couldn't you at least make it a bit less... I dunno, unpleasant?"

"Unpleasant? Like what? Sneezing and coughing don't seem so bad, really."

"Sneezing and coughing? There are diseases out there that'll liquefy your organs or make your arms and legs fall off."

Manny made a peculiar face. "Liquefy... your... organs???" He asked incredulously after a long pause.

"Yes. The ones you need. Not like your appendix, or your lungs."

"You don't use your lungs!?"

"No, we do. But what's the point of being human if you can't have a little fun?"

"My, you've certainly gotten cheekier. So you're saying we should try to make all those diseases a bit less... oogy?"

"Sorry, couldn't resist. And yeah, less oogy. Maybe you could even make them end pleasantly. Give us a disease that makes us explode into a cloud of lilacs or something."

"Cloud of lilacs?"

"Hell, it was just a suggestion, you're the deity here, not me."

"True true... Well, we'll definitely take that suggestion into account, Rudy! You don't know how rare it is that we get something worth doing. It'll take a while, paperwork and all that, but I think we may have a darn-tootin' good idea on our hands. Thanks!"

With that, Our Lord Jesus Christ was gone from the taco meat. Rudolph inspected it for a while, making sure he wasn't about to commit some horrendous trans-dimensional faux pas, and devoured it, feeling quite pleased with himself.