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By Fledermaus
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15 October 2008 |
Icelanders inBritain have protested as police at Heathrow detained a man for carrying a double bladed battle axe. According to unconfirmed reports he was on his way to Lindesfarne. " It's part of our cultural heritage", a spokesman explains. He argues that laws which allow carrying the kirpan should be extended to include Viking weapons. Yet the police warned that such tools would be used to cut loose frozen assets and suggest that in this case Anglosaxon law should be given preference over Danelaw. Meanwhile they suggest that people keep any virgins away from the beach. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 15th October 2008 | A very sharp and funny piece. You packed a lot into a few lines. I'm impressed. I'm so glad you spoofed that hated phrase
" It's part of our cultural heritage" which has been used to excuse so many sins. It has been perverted in the same way patriotism has.
I forget who said "Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel"
Anyway loved the way you brought in a reference to the banking scandal, and the last bit about virgins was inspired--mind in most of the sea-side town they're pretty thin on the ground.
cheers
jane |
Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 16th October 2008 | Last line conjured up the marvellous image of "No Virgin" warning signs on the beach, and Pamela Anderson with a special detector gun.
Great fun, this, Fledermaus - particularly enjoyed the reference to Danelaw. You could develop the cultural heritage thing - a Spanish toreador passing through with his "equipment", for example. Last week at Heathrow they confiscated my mineral water (I explained it was only "tap" in an Evian bottle, but that didn't cut much ice with Miss Gestapo Knockers) - Really enjoyed this Fledermaus - will they call Iceland Waterworld if it goes into meltdown? |
Written by wltshr (352 comments posted) 17th October 2008 | Very tight writing. Very funny. Lots of areas covered from a wonderful angle.
Great last line.
You should come in here more often.
Wltshr | Hi Ron
Written by jean.day (2387 comments posted) 19th October 2008 | | As the others have said, you put an awful lot of ideas into a very few words in this. I think the Icelanders have a very real reason to complain. |
Written by Livinginanattic (473 comments posted) 19th October 2008 | Liked the 'cultural heritage' bit. I'm surprised nobody has tried to use that excuse for rucksacks filled with explosives - or have they? The cutting loose of frozen assets was a nice surreal twist. Loved the last sentence.
Ben |
Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 19th October 2008 | Thoroughly enjoyed. You should try this type of thing a little more often.
Phil |
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 19th October 2008 | Very funny. Loved the "cultural heritage" explanation, and what a wonderful closing line.
Enjoyed.
Cheers |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 20th October 2008 | Thanks everyone.
It does seem Vikings and British have a long shared history haven't they? ~And still the conflict goes on  |
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