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Poetry
Places / Times
By patterjack
14 November 2008
          Places  / Times


Lost in the forest darkness
Well south of cancer and north of capricorn
in the hot wet jungles of the equatorial zone
orchids without perfume and scentless fungi form.
Close your eyes and breathe the humid decay;
exotic rot mingles with sweat in this heart of darkness
overpowering all other senses, sapping the will to move.
This is no place for thinking .


Brown froth rolls over and lodges itself between
decaying seaweed on the  muddied sand;
the conical shells of the seasnails pause
for the next tide to roll and rouse them.
Sit on the upturned boat and breathe salt air,
watch  the soldier crabs as  they venture out
clicking their way amongst the beach detritus.
This is a place for waiting.


The swell of sandhills, smooth as golden breasts
sweeps  onwards and on until true vision fails
dazzled by light and heat with no speck of green,
only diamond glitter flickering through the haze.
Take up a handful of the heated sand,
trickle it like an hourglass through the fingers.
leave myriad grains uncounted as they fall.
This is no place for pausing.


Untrodden and unmarked, the pristine snow
mounds crystalline along the shining slopes
changing but little under the gusting winds,
swept clear and set hard by their firm caresses.
Flatten a circle round your slowing body,
sink to the surface slowly with a sigh.
Your breath congeals too soon in the freezing air,
plumes outward, downward, until it disappears.
This is a place of ceasing.



Reviews
Wow
Written by punchy (576 comments posted) 14th November 2008
That is beautiful. I don't really know what to say about it other than that. 
 
Out of my league to comment 
 
respect
Thank you punchy
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 14th November 2008
I appreciate the comment-- and appreciate your appreciation 
 
patterjack

Written by Veronica_Milvus (1147 comments posted) 14th November 2008
Lovely, Brian, extremely evocative, but you wouldn't sell the first two stanzas to the Australian Tourist Board! 
 
I thought the form here had a reflective quality and sounded like sthe reflections of somebody who observes very closely and remembers very clearly. 
 
Powerful writing!
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 14th November 2008
I admire this very much, Brian. There is wonderful imagery and, as always, magnificent use of language. 
 
'orchids without perfume' is powerful in its simplicity. 
Was 'heart of darkness' a concious nod to Conrad? 
 
I like the effect the closing lines of each stanza have in their summary of what has been described. The final one being the summary of all summaries. 
 
Much admired. 
 
Cheers
A definite cranial inclination
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 14th November 2008
Thanks Brett and yes indeed it was a nod to the spirit of the Conrad book in particular . It is a lovely phrase and I don't mind stealing it because I think everyone knows it and it gives some depth to my own effort 
 
Thanks for the review 
 
patterjack
Reflection
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 14th November 2008
Thanks , Veronica. Oddly that second stanza is the closest to absolute truth as it conjures ( in my mind ) a very particular estuarine beach , so very unlike the many great beaches of Oz. 
 
The other three have a basis of personal truth too -- but are decorated in an exaggerated way by my imagination -- probably to push an emotional point. 
 
I only hope that they did not get too close to the pathetic fallacy 
 
Again , thank you 
 
patterjack

Written by ainsel (99 comments posted) 14th November 2008
I'm very deeply moved by this - it is so evocative of the effect of this place on all the senses. The mind-pictures -and sounds, smells, heat - it generates are wonderfully clear. 
 
It reads aloud beautifully.  
 
ainsel 
 

Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 15th November 2008
Given up watching the rugby for this. No match for you lot at the moment. We can play some good stuff but have absolutely no discipline. Well done to the Aussies. 
 
~x~ 
 
This read very smoothly and naturally. There's little point trying to deconstruct the form (as if I could!) because there's a very natural efficiency to the structure and construction that make the technicalities hide behind their own ease of use. -I don't mean 'efficiency' in a cold way. This leaves the reader free to appreciate the words and feel. 
 
Each verse placed me physically and emotionally within the landscape you describe: real or imaginary. There's a real sense of being there in a geographical sense - layered over that there's a palpable emotional, intellectual landscape - still, in many ways, oddly physical. 
 
While I always admire your work, this one has really touched me. All the parts fit together perfectly. 
 
Excellent. 
 
Phil
Only one. ainsel...
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 15th November 2008
of the four places cannot be quite easily reached from the others , though the whole physical environment of which I wrote is rapidly changing nowadays . 
 
The mental landscape, though,involves reaching both forward and back. 
 
Thank you for the review-- I do * try out * my stuff vocally , but I often fear that my personal delivery varies very much from that of other readers , resulting in some awkwardnesses .  
 
I am really appreciative of your reviews. 
 
patterjack
Extraordinary!
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 15th November 2008
For me, this gets better with each reading. 
 
There are so many bgood lines / images that I won't attempt to highlight any. 
 
The last line of each stanza is simply incredible. 
 
I rest my case . . ..  
 
Respect! 
 
John X
Summary lines
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 15th November 2008
became more and more important in the early thinking , as the concept of time began to take over from the concept of place . 
 
Thank you very much for the complimentary review 
 
patterjack
Structure -- Phil
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 16th November 2008
It just seemed to fall into place , Phil. 
 
Thank you for picking out that idea of the physical
 
The four major verbs -- one at the beginning of each fifth line was meant to reinforce that idea of physical presence. 
 
I am pleased that it worked . 
 
Thanks for what is a personally pleasing review ! 
 
patterjack

Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 17th November 2008
For me, your best pieces are the ones which are lost in imagery rather than contemplation, you're always so technically proficient but it's your ability to create an image that lodges in the brain that I envy. And I believe this to be amongst your best so I'll say no more than that. 
 
Elli
Images/pictures
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 17th November 2008
Thank you Elli for the compliment about technical proficiency . I really appreciate that. 
 
Therefore please do not think me technically carping if I say that to my own mind, only the third stanza contains images (and once more , as always ;) , involving breasts . The rest of the piece is purely description , a painting of pictures. 
 
For imagery lately I prefer my Green Song 
 
But believe me, your approbation gives me very much pleasure . 
 
patterjack
"And there is . . .
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 17th November 2008
. . . no end of talking. 
There is no end to things in the heart." 
 
Hi Brian - your piece has fondly reminded me of Ezra Pound's 'Exile's Letter', a translation of an ancient Chinese poem. 
 
I shall send a pm with the full (rather long) text. 
 
You may know it? 
 
This is not a 'criticism', merely a joyous linking . . .  
 
Cheers! 
 
John

Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 17th November 2008
Ah but I'm going to have to argue with you on this one Brian :)  
 
In my eyes the description gives rise to the images in the reader's mind and it is this 'imagery' that I'm complimenting. You technical quibbler, you! 
 
Elli
Years ago...
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 17th November 2008
... I read a fair bit of Pound -- and I thank you for bringing him forward to my attention again. 
 
He had some amazing lines , ones that brought about a real frisson . 
 
It was such a pity that he finished up as he did . 
 
Thanks once again for a complimentary review 
 
patterjack
Hee hee Elli
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 17th November 2008
I knew you'd rise to that -- it is all in the way one interprets the word
ctd
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 17th November 2008
( damn that wrong button ) 
 
I was indeed being quite technical about *images *.  
 
The main thing is that I am very happy to have your approbation , and I really thank you for it .  
 
patterjack
Que, Elli?
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 17th November 2008
I think I'm being tired and thick, but I don't understand your above comment! 
 
Please elucidate . . .  
 
John X

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 18th November 2008
I’ve read this a few times and even now I don’t feel I can comment on this without showing my ignorance. At first I thought it was addressing the seasons, and each place was a different one, but I realised that each verse was somehow defined by it’s last line.  
Each last line seemed to dramatise the verse and make you want to read it again to know why it was, or wasn’t, that. 
 
The first verse jumped off the page, full of visceral energy and imagery and the reference to Conrad added another layer of meaning. In fact the whole poem was powered by a dramatic energy.  
It was honest and uncompromising but also had a beauty in some of the images and descriptive phrases.  
It may not be ideal copy for the Australian Tourist Board, as Veronica suggests, but there is a intoxicating vigour to it and it certainly creates an intriguing scene and gets the blood pounding and the synapses sparking 
 
For such a powerful piece I’m not sure the title does it justice. 
You certainly seem to be on a role, creatively, at the moment and as someone who hasn’t written anything in ages I’m quite envious. 
cheers  
jane 
Seasons
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 18th November 2008
Seasons ctd
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 18th November 2008
I have already explained to TT and Phil madness of my metacarpals that jerk me into hitting the wrong button-- sorry again. 
 
Seasons -- yes that's a reasonable interpretation, Jane-- though not literal , more metaphorical , it was part of the thinking behind the piece. 
 
Thank you for that very enthusiastic review-- it is most encouraging . 
 
patterjack

Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (391 comments posted) 19th November 2008
 
Jehovah! I wish I could string words together with the apparent consummate ease that you seem to manage. 
I, too, like the powerful effect of the closing ‘place’ lines of each stanza. 
I have no idea why, but this reminded me of the spoken passages from the song Plague of Ghosts by Derek ‘Fish’ Dick. 
 
‘We watched an insect stray to the edge of it's world, a lily pad stretched over a green mirror in which the ghost carp swirl like clouds before a storm. 
This is the season of the rains, this is incoming. 
 
A tethered goat bleats from the corner of the graveyard where the lizards hang as motionless as the angels of stone above them, their broken wings throwing long shadows into the grass where the scorpions hide. 
The tigers are running out of jungle. 
 
The bloated corpses of unsolved murders and old revolutions pirouette and dance amongst the swirls and eddies in their final procession down the muddy river to the delta where they're thrown up by the surf onto sterile beaches or are trapped in the roots 
of mangrove cathedrals of the islands that gather in the bay. 
These are the first arrivals on this new horizon….’ 
 
Well, that’s me done waffling. 
 
Regards. 
Turk. 
 
 
 

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