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Poetry
The 6.05 to Crewe
By ellipinnock
23 November 2008
There’s a grey-haired pile of jumpers waiting
for the 6.05 to Crewe – delayed again.
Feet frozen, she’s passing time crowd surfing

through a wave of suits, each wishing himself alone
far away from the kids, the wife, the mistress,
the smell of deep fried sweat and the platform crone.  

Emerging from darkness, heavy-bellied, ponderous,
the train chatters into bleaching strip-lights.
He stands in the doorway, immaculate in dress-

shirt, bowtie, eyebrow commas inky black
on milky skin. From the roof comes a leaping
red-lipped Fury, shark teeth bared to bite

down. He’s closer than he knows to running
crazy naked forever. But fury’s playful,
gin drunk on someone else’s suffering,

in no mood for more than leaving spiteful
pock scars on virgin skin, a memory
of fingernails lacquered deep sea purple

and an old woman mumbling softly
cursing all the things she cannot see.

Reviews
HI Elli
Written by jean.day (2908 comments posted) 23rd November 2008
As always, I can but admire your ability with poetry - knowing that there is no way I could ever do the same. 
 
I liked so much of this - the grey-haired pile of sweaters 
 
the wave of suits 
 
the smell of deep fried sweat 
 
I must admit that I don't really know who it is that leaps from the roof. But not understanding doesn't keep me from liking. 
 
I like the idea of gin drunk on someone else's suffering 
 
I feel like the old woman - cursing things I cannot see.
As above . . .
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 23rd November 2008
. . . I find it hard to understand the overall picture. 
 
Love the enjambment - particularly the extreme 'dress-shirt' and the less extreme 'bite down'. 
 
I must re-read to try again to understand . . .  
 
Cheers! 
 
John 
 

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 23rd November 2008
I'm always keen to see your name appear, Elli, as it means a literate and interesting work to read, but also some very astute and perceptive reviews to check out. I often apply some of your comments to my own work. 
I've read this a few times and feel I've settled into it, though I feel bits of it still elude me. I love the narrative thread, that pulls you along. The idea of people watching at a station is such a seductive one, it's almost impossible not to do it, but the watcher here, who topped and tailed the piece, seemed very much the outsider. 
I'm guessing the immaculate stranger is close to doing a Reggie Perrin and going ga-ga and the fury is a sort of metaphor for it; if not it doesn't matter too much. I enjoyed it and loved the energy in it 
cheers 
jane

Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 24th November 2008
Thanks, Jean, John and Jane (liking the alliteration there :)
 
Jane's pretty much got it. I had in mind an old homeless woman watching the trains coming into the station - with an ambiguity as to whether she's so cold and out of it that she's hallucinating a Fury astride the carriage about to do in this bloke or whether he's about to totally lose it in which case the Fury is a metaphor for his madness. 
 
Thanks for the kind comments, much appreciated, 
 
Elli

Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 24th November 2008
There are some wonderful lines in this, Elli. As examples of imagery and descriptive evokativeness - some of the the very best I've seen here. 
 
I did struggle a litel with the 'narrative.' Probably me. While I arrived, more or less, at your explanation, I was a littel unsure. I think that was caused by my failiure to pin the point of view down. 
 
Much to admire here. 
 
Phil

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