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By chocomallow
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28 January 2006 |
GoneOur bubble
Was as perfect as it could be,
I thought.
Us against the world,
It stayed that way
For a long time.
Slowly
The walls began to crumble
Leaving me alone,
Dazed even.
I miss half of that bubble
Sometimes I want it back.
It would not be the same,
My lover has gone.
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Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 1st February 2006 | I love the image which is at the centre of this poem, the bubble that you introduce in line 1. It gives a really striking visual metaphor for the feelings you're trying to express. In fact, if anything, I think you could make this an even more effective poem by exploring and amplifying this image. For instance: in verse 2, the walls of a bubble don't really crumble, but they could explode, or deflate and collapse in on themselves. There's also the appearance of the bubble that you could play with - iridescent rainbow hues from the outside? and what does it look like from inside?
Finally - I think "Our Bubble" would be a much more accessible title than the current one, but that's just my personal preference  |
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