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Poetry
How long ? (re-formatted)
By penstroke
02 December 2008

I am not sure if the rhyming cheapens this or not.
It is however, very real and very painful.


How Long?

I know we were meant to be, my love
I just don’t know for how long
'til the fall’s failing light?
or the morning frosts’ bite?
or the ad lib to fade of our song?

 I know we were meant to be, my love
but in rapturous mutual reverie?
warm and aglow
because we both know
that our love is complementary?

 I know we were meant to be, my love
what we’ve shared no one can deny
but the message your sending
is that our time is ending
and I’m too scared to ask myself why

 
I know we were meant to be, my love
now the fear of our parting is real
for a score or so years
I have witnessed your tears
and their sting I have started to feel

 I know we were meant to be, my love
and perhaps for too long I denied
the price that I paid
for the beds that I’d made
and my laughter while your cheeks dried 

I know we were meant to be, my love
and I hope and I pray that in time
that rather than hateful
I can become grateful
for sharing our rhythm and rhyme

 
I know we were meant to be, my love
and I beg that maybe tomorrow
I can dry my sore eyes
to know and realise
that parting is such sweet sorrow 

Thank you for all of your time, my love
please forgive my self-centered ways
and if this aint the end
then I promise to send
my love ‘til the end of my days

Reviews

Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 4th December 2008
Not keen on the rhyme myself - especially in a love poem it'shard not to end up naff and bouncy. For me, this was too full of the standard love descriptions. I'd have liked a bit more individuality - something to show me how your take on things is different from how I might have imagined it myself. 
 
Cheers, 
 
Elli

Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 29th December 2008
It's a pity that the rhyme seems indeed a bit forced. It's clear what you want to say, but somehow it seems that the rhythm (especially the short third and fourth line of every stanza) blocks the flow a little. 
Sorry... 
:sigh
Thanks
Written by penstroke (429 comments posted) 30th December 2008
To you both for the feedback. You are right, of course, as poetry the piece does live on a bouncy castle in the county of Naffshire. As a means of conveying a message though it did carry some weight and served a purpose for both the writer and recipient. Thank you.

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