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Great Writing - Home > PlayRoom > If only I had the balls...
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| If only I had the balls... | |
| By Nick | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10 January 2009 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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A Letter of resignation that I think we've all wanted to hand in at some point or another!! **Naughty words contained within** Dear Fuckwits, Please take this as my letter of resignation. I will work my 4 weeks notice; that is unless, of course, you escort me off the premises, with nothing more than my shredded employee pass and a “fuck you very much” for my 10 years of service. I would like to take this opportunity to explain some of the reasons for my departure: 1. Management are nothing more than a bunch of little Stalin’s and slimy apple polishers with little more than a primary school education between them. I am not a smart man but even I think their retarded. 2. If management insist on treating us like children, well, we’ll just have to act like them, hence the reason I keep crayons on my desk. 3. If the aim of the company was to make sure each member of staff felt devalued, disillusioned, and just depressed to fuck, then they succeeded. Well done – maybe another bonus is in order – arseholes! 4. When the company decides to go on a cost cutting exercise, enforcing an overtime ban will not help. In fact this has the reverse effect. When a minion does overtime they are billing the client, thus making you more money. This is the aim of any good business – it’s very simple – the more we work, the more money we make for this evil corporate shithole. 5. If the management think that scheduling our breaks individually, will make us more productive, they are being more mentally devoid than usual . We enjoy taking our breaks together – it’s relaxing and fun. When you’re left to sit in solitude for your entire lunch break its boring. This will also not stop us bitching about the company – we’ll just do it in the office instead when we’re supposed to working. Please remember; freedom of speech is our birth right – you can’t take it away, no matter how hard you try. 6. Also I would like to take this time to let you in on a secret. People with degrees should not automatically be revered like the second coming of Christ. I don’t care what degree they have, they still can’t do my job unless I train them to do it. So please, the next time you employ a grad student, remember to pay them less than me or I won’t train them properly. Why should I part with my hard earned knowledge to some butt fucker on double my wages? I say fuck that and fuck you – god I hate this multi-national tin pot company. Here ends my reasons for leaving this company. My time spent here hasn’t all been a waste though; I now have ample supplies of post-it notes and marker pens. I’ll be fucked if I know what to do with them mind you. Also, I would like to specifically thank the Hitler wannabes in this corporation; they have made my life hell, but funny as fuck. There’s nothing like watching a sexual frustrate, balding, incompetent, power hungry, Nazi weirdo shout at you as if you give a fuck. His face getting redder and redder as I sit there trying not to piss myself laughing like some overgrown naughty school boy. If that ain’t funny then I don’t know what is. Finally I would like to take this time to share my personal motto with you. It’s simple and sums up everything about me: THE MAN DON’T GIVE A FUCK. Goodbye… Don’t call… Burn in hell... Sincerely Employee No: 14152020
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