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Poetry
A Path for Ages
By sutpau
24 January 2009
What does archaelogy reveal?

The dappled grey concrete

          Resisits each weary step

As I trudge along in the hot afternoon sun

 

This unyielding pathway, travelled by so many

          Bearing few traces of its long life

          Covered by the detritus of years

 

Each step I take on it stays unrevealed

          No print is left upon the dappled greyness

          No telling that I was ever there

          Nor personal signs of any other

 

This dull patch of greyness has only the life it is offered

          By the hot sun of the day that heats it

          By the rains that bathe it

And the cold nights that chill it

 

Not like the life that lives within me

          But both of us weather all the same

          As we grudgingly earn our greyness

 

Soon I will no longer leave unseen footprints

          But it will continue to bear the steps of others

          Not for eternity, but for an age at least

 

Navvies with bronzed bodies will come and go

          With noisy machines that hammer and break its core

          Who dig below its solid base and change its face

 

One day it will disappear

Broken up to yield to the new

Or abandoned to be covered over

As the civilisation passes

And new footsteps will travel over it unknowingly

And those who trod on it will be soon forgotten.

Reviews

Written by fellpony (2924 comments posted) 24th January 2009
One of the best of yours I've read to date. You focus on the concrete (literally) and explore its nature compared to humans'. I'd have stopped with the completion of stanza 6 - "as we grudgingly earn our greyness." Nice phrase. The rest loses focus a bit - though I think I see where you are going with the idea of archaeology, I think the first 6 are much stronger and more personal. 
 
In stanza 2 your might be better served by "few traces". 
 
Some odd words here and there need attention IMO: stanza 1, "supports" is friendly, perhaps "resists" would be better. Stanza 7, there's a typo, "bares" instead of "bears" - you had written that correctly earlier. Stanza 8 "navies" - do you mean "navvies"?
FP - Thanks
Written by sutpau (34 comments posted) 24th January 2009
I very much appreciate your comments, advice and feedback, as always. I will correct the typos immediately and perhaps some of the other suggestions too. Others I will leave until i revisit the poem later. 
Thanks and kindest regards, 
p

Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 24th January 2009
Nicely reflective. I too liked the line: earn our greyness. 
 
Phil

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