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By neh205
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14 February 2006 |
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The world so busy,
Rushing by,
No time for people,
Paperwork.
The important things forgotten..............
Barely a relationship.
Technology passes the time,
Distracted from what really matters
How many people do you see everyday?
And not really take the time to know?
That's the modern world today.
Rapidly rushing by,
Very. Quickly.
Without appreciation.
Or communication. |
Hi!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 15th February 2006 | ......... and (as I said elsewhere!) welcome to GW!
I'm not [IMHO] the best qualified to act as poetry critic, but of the two postings this was the one I preferred - though I couldn't exactly say why. I suspect it's because this 'flows' without the reader feeling "forced" into the rhythm & rhyme pattern you use in your other post?? My tutor at Uni always used to define Poetry as "a story told using the absolute minimum necessary number of words.... " |
Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 16th February 2006 | I can't argue with the sentiments, but I WOULD argue that this isn't so much a poem as a piece of a sermon or a guided meditation. Directly addressing the audience ("How many people do you see everyday?") is a device that is very appropriate in those contextx but it's one that I'm very uncomfortable of in poetry. Maybe it's just me, but I much prefer the "moral" of a poem to be subtle - in other words, I'd far rather have got to the end of your poem and found myself asking the question "How many people do I see everyday?", instead of having been harangued directly by the question. Otherwise the poet can come across as occupying some sort of moral high ground which automatically creates an exclusion zone between the poet and me.
There isn't really an easy solution to this, without a substantial rewrite of your middle section, but I guess a lot depends on the context for which the piece is intended. As part of a reflection/meditation it gets the point across very well. |
Written by neh205 (23 comments posted) 16th February 2006 | 
thank you both for your comments. two contrasting views i see!
As for the use of rhetoric i personally love reading poetry which makes me think and i find that use of a rhetorical queston is a good way of doing this.
I wasn't really forcing any moral upon the reader, although it does direct them towards a certain thought.
I would be interested to know what other people's views are on the use of rhetorical questions in poetry? |
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