Look at them all, rushing around, in a race to the end of the day. All of them with their expensive suits and their fat bulging wallets, just wanting to consume.  I was never a fan of the city even when I was a child, but now, after the last 20 years of watching society disappear up its own backside, I realise that everything soulless and wrong in this world is in the same street as me and now I really really hate the city.  The hot sweaty streets now wavered in the sun, the car tops sizzling.  I never knew of a summer so ominous. 

When I got the phone call telling me that Adrian had gone, I didn't react. I just went in to automatic pilot.  I wrote down the address of the church where the funeral service was being held, and the address of a hotel to stay in whilst I'm there, that a friend recommended.

Any thoughts of him suffering makes  me sick and that's all there was to read about in the papers.  The dull headlines staring up at me on those blurry imaged pages.  It had nothing to do with me but I couldn't help wondering.. I thought it had to be the worst thing in the world to be left in pain, alone.  Thoughts crashed against my world.  His ruthless nature had protected me, his integrity inspired me.  Knowing that someone that special is gone, and the double digit IQ morons below me are still breathing, polluting my consciousness, is a difficult concept to come to terms with. As loneliness began to take over it slowly isolated me, I felt out of control, caught in the middle of this new experience. 

The cars in the distance continue to churn out their noxious gases, they weave in and out between the constant flow of bulky traffic.  I keep thinking to myself; what is there really to stop me walking to the window and falling... What would the impact be from this storey?  I wonder to myself is it possible for one to smile whilst plummeting to one's death for mere seconds.  I think about this and then I think about Adrian - the could have beens, the what ifs, and the never were's.  And I miss him anyway. I miss him so much.

 I forced the window down hard hoping the noise and fumes would be lost from my senses for at least a moment.  As the window frame slammed shut the papers flapped and fluttered in the gust.  I sipped my black coffee, the intense tangy taste felt good on my tongue.  My face was still damp from the steady flow of tears through the night.  Anger and sorrow mixed together to create an immense pain.  I endeavour to see the light at the end of this tunnel.