GOD MAKES A CALL TO SATAN

SATAN (in an agitated voice) - This is Satan, Lord of the Underworld, Torturer of Souls, Speak to Me!

GOD - (slightly bewildered) - Satan hi... hi. Its God, everything... uh... y'know... OK?

SATAN - Not exactly no, i've had a massive influx of Innocents pouring through the Infernal Gateway all bloody morning!

GOD - Thats one of the reasons for my call actually, theres been a bit of a mix up on the cross over you see, i just got all of yours.

Satan takes a sharp intake of breath

SATAN - Oooh, and... uh... hows it going?

GOD - Not wonderfully to be honest, they're all backing up in the entrance way. Peters having a terrible time of it out there. There's been fighting and goodness knows what!

SATAN - Yea, they get like that if you don't chain them upside down to a wall

GOD - Well thats your department i'm afraid, for now we'll just have to shift some clouds out of the way or something, they're making an awful mess!

SATAN - We usually just chuck all the rubbish in the furnaces. Don't suppose you've got a furnace up there?

GOD - Not as such no. I think we could manifest some bins though.

SATAN - No point, they make handy projectiles. My advice, get Pete some body guards, the highest Choir of Angels should do, and sit it out until we can figure something out.

GOD - Yes, well i'm sure we can house them until then, what will you be doing with mine?

SATAN - It's been tricky, all the praying is doing nothing for the torturers morale, and they've been handing out bloody bibles!

GOD - How unfortunate. But are they... well... safe?

SATAN - Safe!? They're so bloody holy two of my best demons had a go at one and they turned into rabbits! Fluffy ones with big eyes!

GOD - Oh, how lovely!

SATAN - If you say so. (Groans) I'm not looking forward to the paperwork after this one!

GOD - No, well we'll confront that when the time comes.

SATAN- I suppose, so what was the other thing you rang about?

GOD - Oh, yes, well i got a call from Ra.

SATAN - Ra!? Isn't he the Egyptian Sun God?

GOD - Indeed he is, it turns out that he went out and left the Sun on

SATAN - Well that bloody explains it!

GOD - Yes, he was giving the Sahara its daily roasting and forgot to turn it off. This of course meant thay when it hit the Ice Caps... well... ask Noah.

SATAN - Stupid sod! I hope you had some harsh words!

GOD - I'm not one for harsh words i'm afraid, so i've got him on hold for you.

SATAN - Well what am i supposed to do about it?

GOD - I thought he was renting the Inferno part of the Sun off you?

SATAN - Of course, i'll increase the cheeky buggers rent and see how he likes it!

GOD - Good, Good! Well i'd better be off, i think some sinners have found the Halo cupboard!

SATAN - Yea, speak soon!

The phone rings off