Parting Excuses
I’ve got
a night-bus to catch, nothing to say,
two lovers to match, a friend to betray,
somewhere to go, new roads to hit,
more beauty to know, a marriage to split,
a long road to travel, sins to confess,
lies to unravel, truth to undress,
choices to make, my rhythm to time,
orgasms to fake, our lives to rhyme,
fires to extinguish, a lover to flatter,
desires to distinguish, a poem to matter,
silver lightning to fork, a cold cross to bear,
my black dog to walk, tonight’s skin to wear.
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Written by Josie (4035 comments posted) 17th February 2009 | | I liked your rhyming scheme John with rhymes on adjoining lines. It must have taken some doing. Quite an interesting experiment. | Thanks Josie!
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 17th February 2009 | A friend of mine dashed off tonight saying, "Sorry, I have some things to do!" That set me off on this . . .
Just brainstormed loads of rhyming phrases, then tried to put them together into a vaguely meaningful piece . . .
which is why it leaves much to be desired - but was a good-fun experiment!
Cheers!
John
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (1147 comments posted) 17th February 2009 | | "my black dog to walk" was good. Not too much faking, I hope, John. | Faking it . . .
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 17th February 2009 | . . . is just a rhyming excuse for 'making it.'
My old 'black dog' is now at heel for the time being . . .
Many thanks, Veronica!
Cheers!
John |
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 18th February 2009 | The internal rhymes certainly add a little more flavour to the flow, John. Not sure about 'a rainbow to knit'?
Enjoyed 'tonight's skin to wear.'
Cheers | what a mix!!!
Written by AgithAntony (73 comments posted) 18th February 2009 | though it's jumpy in nature
what a mix of profane and the sacred...
a vivid picturisation of life, without defining it..
as i said, very jumpy images
but well threaded..
cheers
| Thanks Brett and AgitAntony!
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 18th February 2009 | Brett - yes, 'a rainbow to knit' is rather twee and out-of-keeping with the rest, so I've changed it to something more poisonous, with your approval.
A.A. 'a mix of profane and the sacred' - nice way to describe it - many thanks!
Cheers!
John |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 18th February 2009 | I really enjoyed this. It was a wild barnstorming piece, full of life and humanity.I'd say it was life-afirming if didn't make me sound like a social worker
It reminds me of a Waterboys song but I just can't think of which one
cheers
jane | Jane, thank . . .
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 18th February 2009 | . . . you! How good to know that you like the Waterboys!
Unicorns and cannonballs,
Palaces and piers,
Trumpets, towers, and tenemets,
Wide oceans full of tears,
Flag, rags, ferry boats,
Scimitars and scarves,
Every precious dream and vision
Underneath the stars
Love 'em - saw them live at Finsbury Park's 'Fleeargh' (Sp) a few years ago . . . Phwooargh!
A shot in the dark - are you thinking of 'The whole of the Moon, with its rampagingly insistent rhyming and brilliant imagery (sse their last verse above)
In which case, you flatter me
That song eats the heart out of my feeble efforts!
Cheers!
John X
| Busy
Written by wendycat (2302 comments posted) 18th February 2009 | | Gosh you are a busy boy! really enjoyed the bounciness with a slightly cynical edge. Brilliant. | Wendy!
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 18th February 2009 | Yes, busy as a bee - as uncle Monty says in the film 'Withnail and I' - do you know it?
If not, never mind . . . looking forward to more of yours!
'Bouncy Cynical' - thanks, like it, an approach I shall try to use more often!
Cheers!
John |
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 18th February 2009 | Enjoyed this, John. Particularly: the two line start and the the first line proper. 'Tonight's skin to wear' - excellent.
Faking orgasms - now that must take much practice - practice I'd be willing to do, of course (but not with you!)
Besides the above - there's a very effective tone to this.
Enjoyed very much.
Phil | Damn! In pure innocence . . .
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 18th February 2009 | . . . it's only just occured to me that,
'Tonight's skin to wear'
is a ghastlily naughty double-entendre . . .
I never intended it as such, but now I realise . . .
Well, clever, eh?!
Struth!
Cheers!
John
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Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 19th February 2009 | | Very nice title! It's that which made this one such a funny read, for what great excuses truth could make! |
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