"You have to get a haircut," said Melissa.

Joss grimaced.  "I know.  Gimme a break."

"I don't know why you couldn't have it done out there.  That big bald guy managed to keep his head shaved for the whole four months."

"Yeah, that big bald guy had a hidden stash of men's moisturiser, too."

"He looked real good on TV," murmured Mel.  "You were a mess."

"Okay, we were supposed to be living rough.  That's why they called it 'Outback Endurance'."  Joss scratched vigourously at the matted thatch over his scalp.  "I'll be glad to get rid of it, anyway."

Mel sat back in her chair.  "You haven't got vermin in there, have you?"

"No..."

An hour later, the hairdresser looked at the task in front of her, and wrinkled her nose in distaste.  "Do you want it washed first?" she asked.

"No, cut it all off first, then wash," said Joss,

With a shrug, the hairdresser set to work, lifting each dreadlock and snipping gingerly.  After the fifth one she stopped; leaned forward, peering; then backed away. 

"Sharna," she said, "can you come and look at this?"  She was trying to speak quietly, but there was an edge of shrillness in her voice.

The other girl came over, looked, also backed away.

"Better take him out to the back room," she muttered.  "I'll call someone.

Joss was escorted out of the main salon into a small cubicle at the back of the salon.  The hairdresser closed the door behind him, and he heard her footsteps retreating rapidly, as if she were afraid of pursuit.  His scalp was itching again, and he scratched without thinking, then examined his fingernails but found nothing.

It seemed hours before anything happened.  He sent Mel a text, checked his messages, changed his ring tone, and checked his messages again. 

Finally the door opened and a woman came in.  She looked middle-aged, with greying hair and a round face starting to droop around the chin, and she was wearing jeans and an oversized sweatshirt emblazoned with an academic-looking logo.  She had a worn-looking attache case which she put on the table before offering him a handshake.

"Hi, Joss.  I'm Edie, from the biology department at the University.  I believe you've got something to show me."

"I don't know," replied Joss sourly.

"I know you from that show, of course.  I didn't actually watch it, but, you know...no, stay sitting."  She opened the case and took out a magnifying glass and a pair of latex gloves.  "Just to be careful," she said, with a grin.  "Now, let's have a look."

Joss fidgeted in his chair while she examined his scalp, lifting the matted strands of hair to look beneath.  "Oh, this is marvellous," she murmured.  "Quite extraordinary."

She stepped back, beaming.  "You are a very lucky young man, you know.  You've got the most beautiful infestation of Pediculus ruforadiatus.  They're very rare."

"I've got what?"

"The southern scarlet louse.  Extremely rare, in fact."

"Oh, shit!  How do I get rid of them?"

"Oh, you can't get rid of them," replied Edie reasonably.  "They're endangered."

Joss stared at her as if she were insane.  "They're lice!" he said at last.

"They are, and very particular about their habitat.  I've never seen such a flourishing colony."  She pulled off her gloves and gave him a grin.  "You must have very healthy blood."

"No. No.  I can't have lice. They have to go."

Edie's grin faded a little.  "They're not going.  I can have wildlife protection officers here in half an hour to enforce it."  She snapped the case shut.  "Thing is, you see - they're a protected species now, and that means habitat preservation.  If you cut your hair, or treat it in any way that threatens them, the penalties are severe." 

"But, Jesus Christ, they're vermin!"

"It's all in how you relate to them, my dear boy," replied Edie.   "Consult a lawyer if you like - but you had better start getting used to them.  You'll be living together a long time."