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Twilight

By JustSteph

15 March 2009

When my band were trying to think of a name, the phrase Twlight Eyes came to me, then suddenly so did a very in-depth meaning. In attempt to describe it to my fellow band members, I wrote this. It was finished in about 15 minutes and I haven't edited it since. Let me know what you think =]
Thanks,
Steph

Our lives are like the twilight
Beautiful but forgotten
Not quite day and not quite night
Never lasting very long

But when the moment comes
You’ll see just who we are
No, who we’re not. Because
The twilight’s our disguise

Our eyes are like the twilight
Revealing all our troubles
We wont give up without a fight
Safeguarding all that’s honest

Because honesty is rare
And we are no exception
Keep it locked away
And hold up our deception

Our deaths are like the twilight
Troubled and disguised
Not special enough to highlight
But still sad to say goodbye

We never made an impact
We were never very tough
But to some we really mattered
And well, that’s good enough

Reviews

Written by Phil (8764 comments posted) 15th March 2009

For me, there's the beginnings of an interesting, reflective piece here. It starts well, though the first verse ends on a pretty blunt line - that may need some thought. I thought that towards the end it bordered on the trite - probably because you were trying hard to stick to the pattern you'd set yourself.

Life - and death like twilight is a really good idea to explore. I wish I'd thought of it myself. I just don't think you've done it or yourself justice here. It might be worth trying to develop the idea ignoring form to start with - just aim for natural rhythms.

Just my opinion of course. I could be talking rubbish.

Phil

Written by JustSteph (2 comments posted) 16th March 2009

Thankyou for taking the time to write a review.
I never noticed that about the last line of the first verse before, because it was never blunt in my head, but I can see why it would be to someone else. It's just another comparison between the twilight and life: how the twlight doesn't last very long so no one appreciates it, and the whole "life's too short" thing. Instead of just sitting back and appreciating it, we let it fly by us.

And it may seem like I try very hard to stick to forms and rhythms, but they actually just come naturally to me. Especially with this one - I wrote it in about 15 minutes and haven't edited it at all. To me, if a poem doesn't have a rhythm or a form then it isn't a poem. When I read poems without a rhythm it just feels like a jumbled mess and I rarely read it to the end.

Thanks again.
Steph

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