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Poetry
Beach at Night
By patterjack
24 February 2006
A trumpet sketches notes of light
mellow in the mellow night
and in its simple melody
immortalises stars and sea.
This swansong of the world at large
is soft and sweet , not brash and huge,
and judging now of earth and sea
it predicates for you and me.
The flowing winds and tides are come
to build our universal tomb;
the flesh, the warm flesh of the heart
cannot withstand their fretting art.
Yet the end of now , and the end at length
compounds of sweetness still , and strength,
and walking on this easy shore
we have no right to ask for more
than what the cynic waves have said
is good, to make the sands a bed.

Let others other pleasures prove ;
I’ll ask no more of you , my love.

Reviews

Written by Vanderlay (8 comments posted) 24th February 2006
I really like your turn of phrase, use of alliteration and rhythm (pangs of envy)

Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 1st March 2006
I'm not quite sure what to make of this, I'm afraid. I have to admit that I found the rhyme scheme a little surprising - I was expecting this to be free verse so it was a bit of a shock when I reached the end of the first couplet - and also the metre fails in line 13 ("yet the end of now, and the end at length" to me has a triple-time feel, very different to the iambic tetrameter throughout the rest of the poem). I didn't understand lines 7 and 8 - this is very abstract, in the middle of such a warm, descriptive poem, and I wasn't able to decipher what you were trying to say here. And I have to admit that the ending didn't seem right to me - not really in keeping with the rest of the story, and "let others other pleasures prove" in particular sounded like pastiche Shakespeare. 
 
Having said that, there are some lovely descriptive passages here. "The flesh, the warm flesh of the heart/ Cannot withstand their fretting art" I thought was particularly clever and evocative, and I love the "cynic waves" at the end.
The shepherd clarifies his original posi
Written by amsford (17 comments posted) 24th July 2008
Hey there- 
 
I like that this feels like an anti-anti-pastoral. :) 
 
This smacks of the sweetness of long-lasting love. I feel that it is not entirely non-sexual (after all, the ocean, tides and waves is one of the best metaphors for the power of sex)... but I have to disagree with amboline to say that I like the revisiting of Marlowe's "A Passionate Shepherd" to deepen the meaning of this "twilight" walk on the beach. 
 
Beautifully quiet and quietly beautiful. Well done.

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