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Poetry
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February
By timon
24 February 2006
This is just something I wrote the other day when the unrelenting weather was getting me down!

 

It is dark
Jack Frost has etched his mark
Over the land
 

The pink fingers of dawn
Claw their way into the morn
Above the earth
 

My breathing chill
Condensation on the windowsill
Beneath the glass
 

The pallid rays
Of the sun struggle to light the days
Above the earth
 

In the gloom
Flickering flakes of snow float down
Onto the ground
 

It is dark
Again Jack Frost etches his mark
Over the land

Reviews

Written by Vanderlay (8 comments posted) 24th February 2006
I think that your use of the word gloom sums up February; it's the worst month of the year by far in my humble opinion.

Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 1st March 2006
Beautiful scene-painting! I particularly like the "haiku-esque" form you've chosen for the verses, they give a really sparse feel to the poem, with plenty of space in between the words for the reader to picture the scene for themselves. One or two of the "middle" lines I thought were perhaps slightly too long ("Of the sun struggle to light the days") but that may be because I'm expecting the 7 syllables of a haiku here, which isn't actually what you were aiming for.

Written by timon (2 comments posted) 2nd March 2006
thanks for your feedback! will take note of the suggestions. at least it is now march! :p

Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 3rd March 2006
It is so interesting to read your poem with reference to Jack Frost. Yours is so descriptive that you can almost feel the atmosphere that you felt as you looked through your window. This is so different from the Jack Frost children's poem which I wrote - see my website - but for me, it is deliciously different.

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