Right…I have amended my ‘slimy boss’ e-mail (see the entry below if you want to compare notes with the original version or read my explanation of what I am trying to achieve here).
After taking suggestions on board, I have tweaked this so Adrian sounds smarmier, outwardly pleasant rather than hostile, and is not saying such obviously incriminating things in writing. Is this an improvement?
I did attempt to write a resignation letter from Naomi, but it just wasn’t coming together somehow. She came across as merely whingeing, and I really would prefer to reveal Adrian’s character more tellingly through his own words. Hope I haven’t made him sound too nice now!
From: Adrian Raybould
Sent: 16 April 2010 15:53
To: Naomi Ball
Subject: Jumping ship
Nay
Just spent my spare 10 minutes between appointments flicking through your resignation letter.
You pick your moments, girl, I’ll say that for you – sneaking that in on a day when I’m in back-to-back meetings and you’re about to escape on your jollies!
Only joking (you know my sense of humour by now), it’s just that you’re a valued employee and I can’t deny I’m gutted to lose you.
All this overtime you’ve put in to help Sian learn the ropes during her first few weeks has been immeasurably appreciated.
As you know, we work as a team here at Raybould Communications. With Sian being relatively new to PR, and our lunchtimes currently eaten up by appointments with wedding suppliers (we intend getting spliced just as soon as her Decree Absolute comes through), your continued help on these evenings and weekends is crucial. Obviously some of it can make up for the day you had off for your uncle’s funeral.
I know you were disappointed not to get the senior marketing exec job this time around, and you must be kicking yourself for not correcting those typos in the McConnell Group press releases the other week.
I am unsure quite why you raise that matter again in your letter. I have long since forgiven your slip-up. Nova has repeatedly assured me that she passed you the message about the press releases requiring amendment, and I have made allowances for your undoubted distress that day following your unc’s death. It is unfortunate that they were dished out to the papers containing misinformation, but these things happen.
May I beg you to, whilst slogging across the wilds of Shropshire next week, spend some time reconsidering your decision to quit? We’ll reconvene for a little chat a week on Monday.
Regards.
Ade
|
Hi Leigh
Written by Clifftown (701 comments posted) 9th April 2009 |
| For what it's worth, I think this letter is much better. It's ostensibly so polite, but with a few veiled barbs at Naomi (her uncle's funeral, "you must be kicking yourself" etc.) that hint at what he's really like underneath. I don't think he sounds too nice, quite the opposite! |
Written by Leigh (410 comments posted) 9th April 2009 |
That's lovely Nina, thank you!
I would much rather run with this idea as Nay's resignation letter was really not coming together very well. I'm into trying to subtly reveal character through people's actions! I think this works much better than Naomi spelling everything out in a venomous 'I quit' letter.
Take care. Have a good Easter.
Leigh |
Written by Clifftown (701 comments posted) 10th April 2009 |
Any chance of seeing the resignation letter as well? Oh go on - I'm curious now!
Hope you're going to continue posting this story as well now that you've shown us the first bit - wouldn't be fair otherwise!
You have a great Easter too...
Nina |
Written by red-sauce (38 comments posted) 15th April 2009 |
I think it would be good to have the resignation letter too, I imagine it to be a lot more emotional than this, without it the flaw I saw was
I am unsure quite why you raise that matter again in your letter.
I am not really clear on which matter was raised, was it that she wanted the promotion or the spelling errors? Other than that though I did like it |
Written by Leigh (410 comments posted) 16th April 2009 |
Many thanks for those comments red-sauce - they are much appreciated.
The resignation letter is pretty amateurish - to be honest, I'd be embarassed to make it public! I am making good progress with the novel itself now, so would rather concentrate on getting on with that.
The point Ade is unsure why Naomi is raising is re the 'typos' in the press releases.
Leigh |
wat a git
Written by nicolaormerod (23 comments posted) 30th June 2009 |
there are so many bosses out there like this and i've worked for a few.
Well written and believable and definatly slimey lol. |
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