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Poetry


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Stumbling Straight

By B.D.

27 February 2006

I was bored in class...but I hope you still like the poem!

blank faces
staring back
I keep wondering

what stirs inside
what makes them stop
stop and look

look at true beauty
look at truth!
are they even that deep?

with my faith diminishing
in the human race
I'm wandering in the tunnel

so far I've seen one candle
one single heart
one kind smile

but that candle is gone
and I'm left wondering
wandering

like there's no hope
like there's no point
I'm left alone

in the darkness
stumbling straight
leaning on my own self

I'm left wandering
wandering
wandering alone

Reviews

well done!
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 27th February 2006

I really liked this piece

I loved the use of repition & the short lines are really effective.

You said bored in class? where are you studying?

well done on this again

brook

thanks!
Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 27th February 2006

Thanks for commenting on my pieces!
I was finished with my work in class so I was bored...it was math class

Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 1st March 2006

Yes, the short sentences are very effective, and you've got some really good, subtle alliteration here. There's a danger of the piece becoming too abstract in parts; stanza 3 is particularly risky (how are you defining "true beauty", or even "truth"? - at the moment we have no handle on what your view of these things is, as a poet). Also, I was wondering if you could make more of a connection between the blank faces, in the first part of the poem, and the metaphorical darkness in the final stanzas. Obviously, if you're in darkness, you can't SEE faces, so the imagery might need a bit of work, but I think there's potential to explore the idea here, to very good effect.

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