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Shorts
Learn to Fly
By blackrainbow
28 February 2006
Love, come quickly
Because I feel my self esteem is caving in
It's on the brink
Love, come quickly
Because I don't think I can keep this monster in
It's in my skin

Love, don't leave me…

Take these broken wings
I'm going to take these broken wings
And learn to fly
And learn to fly away…

-- “Gunning Down Romance”, Savage Garden

Darkened skies drift overhead, heavy clouds roiling against an empty backdrop.  Grey is torn by violent cracks of light; air is stretched tight with electricity, crackling like static through the evening.

The heavens break, their power of imprisonment over what dwells within crumbling.  Water falls in torrents, melting dirt, soaking grass, impacting river, streaming down her skin.

She extends her hand, shining rain running over her trembling palm, dripping down her outstretched fingers.

The wind torments her hair, water plastering the strands against her bare shoulders.

The river before her churns white, raging against the captivity of the banks.  Rain beats down on the surface of the angry water.

Her eyes survey the dark skies, lips speaking questions, breath escaping in a ragged scream, raising her voice to the heavens.  The clouds drift on.  The wind is indifferent.  The whisper of the rain isn’t response enough.

There’s no one listening.

She sweeps her eyes across the landscape surrounding her, as if waiting for something.  Long moments drift past.  The wind ruffles the grass under her bare feet.  She turns once more to face the boiling river, her tears mingling with the rain running down her cheeks, water lost in water.

Lightning splits the sky above, illuminating the world in one frozen moment of time.  She closes her eyes, letting the water rush over her toes, past her ankle.

Lightning cracks the air once more, thunder echoing darkly, lighting up the raging water of the river, the falling rain suspended in time, the empty bank.

There’s no one watching.

Maybe there never was.

Reviews
wow
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 28th February 2006
Firstly i take it that this piece was inspired by the song, i absolutely love savage garden, my all time fav slushy song is Truely Madly Deeply, you've certainly sparked an idea in my mind, so thanks for that. 
 
As for the writing itself, it is just as beautifual as the poetry you posted. The description is very detailed and intense. the ending is quite chilling. Is this part of a bigger story or something you are working on? I would encourage you to extend it, purely because i want to find out why this has happened and what happens next!!! 
 
brook x
OTT.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 2nd March 2006
Nope. Sorry it did absolutely nothing for me. Its far far far too 'over literary' and on the margins of pretentiousness. I'm reminded of the infamous quip about Neil Kinnock-- He never used one word when thirty five would do. For me the art of the short story is the skill of being able to whistle up a scene in a word almost like a conjuror. The best short stories are stark and stabbing and do not sound as though someone is trying to impress with their verbiage. I see you do poetry as well and I feel you have confused the two. Sorry again it gives me no pleasure to be so blunt. Seriously, try something again, then subtract the adjectives and see what you have. Its a good way to procede.  
 
Best of luck.

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