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Poetry


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Stay

By blackrainbow

28 February 2006

I wrote this about my friend, but it can be whatever you want it to be. Such is the beauty of poetry, lol. And it wasn't supposed to rhyme anywhere, that's just pure coincidence.

"Stay," she said
One little word
I wasn't sure I'd heard her right
Or at all
Her voice was soft
And low
And almost lost
In the stillness

"Stay," she said
One little word
I wasn't sure what she meant
What she wanted
Her eyes were deep
And dark
And reminded me of the tranquil sea
The colour of rich brown coffee

"Stay," she said
Just one word
As I had turned to go
"Stay," she said
And nothing more
Her eyes told me all I needed to know

Reviews

Nice
Written by shadowplay (41 comments posted) 2nd March 2006

This works well with no punctuation and it's quite a personal poem so I won't comment on the subject matter. One thing- 'THE tranquil sea'? Is there a paticular sea you're referring to?

I love the whispering sort of tone this would have if read out. It's also pretty melancholy. You create a nice atmosphere and it would be interesting to see how you apply it to more complex ideas.

Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 31st May 2006

I disagree with shadowplay about the sea part unless there is some specific sea and you want to put the name in. It's a great poem and I love the tone...it makes you relaxed in a way. I think it has to do with imagery, because you take the reader with you and it feels like you are looking into those calm, coffee eyes and the low voice...very nice job!

Very poignant
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 10th June 2006

Poets have the ability to take a time, a place, a word, a look... and express in a way that allows the reader to take a journey through the subject.. and see it from different perspectives..

This conjured up all sorts in my mind

A job well done

Thanks

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