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Wings (Working Title)
By JustSteph
13 April 2009

Any suggestions for a title?


I’m flying with these paper wings
Nothing in the world can stop me
But here comes the wind, to tear them to shreds
And I fall down to the ground

This time I’m wiser, I’ve built them with wood
Nothing in the world can stop me
But here comes the rain, they rot and decay
And I fall down to the ground

Look, I’ve found plastic, I’ll have another go
Nothing in the world can stop me
But here comes the sun, melts away all my fun
And I fall down to the ground

Damn, not again, let’s try with this brick
Nothing in the world can stop me
But I’m just too weary, these wings are too heavy
And I fall down to the ground

Come on, I can do this, I need metal, it’s tough
Nothing in the world can stop me
But here comes the lightening, my body is frying
I think this time it’s killed me

Reviews

Written by red-sauce (38 comments posted) 13th April 2009
I liked the theme, rather disheartening but then that is life isnt it.

Written by JustSteph (2 comments posted) 13th April 2009
Is it? I was going for the whole "try until it kills you" and "succeed or die trying" thing. But I suppose I could see why someone may see it as disheartening. 
 
Thanks for replying =]

Written by red-sauce (38 comments posted) 13th April 2009
Oh see I felt it was like blindly trying to do something but never succeeding, maybe my mood is clouding it more than anything.

Written by Ishtari (5 comments posted) 14th April 2009
I think 'Wings' is a good title. I like the poem, especially the use of repetition to evoke the subject's persistence. And I like that the obstacles are overpowering forces of nature.

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