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By patterjack
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28 February 2006 |
Geometry of beauty: curves and cones
and angled planes of light ; your beauty glows
beyond dimension till its oneness shows
topologies beyond mere flesh and bone.
The very wholeness of your being hones
the edge of my desire until it throws
my logic into chaos and it knows
no theorems but the knowledge of unknowns.
Your sum is more than I can yet compute.
I have no yardstick I can measure by;
True measures of your being still confute
my calculations; still my figures lie.
Your modulus bends my whole world askew;
then square my circle ; make me one with you. |
Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 2nd March 2006 | Great idea for a poem, and I *love* the title! I find your work very interesting because you play very effectively with poetic forms that I wouldn't normally touch with a barge-pole, yet you always manage to make me think. This is already pretty polished; a couple of details that you might want to work on are the repetition of "beauty" in the first two lines ("aura" is a possible replacement in line 2), and the rhymes that you've chosen for the ABBACBBC pattern in the first stanza, which have just a bit *too* similar a sound to them (compare "knows" with "unknowns" in lines 7- . There's no doubt about it though, you are the master of the GW sonnet! The last two lines in particular are outstanding - not just poetic, but they really made me smile. | Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 2nd March 2006 | | That should have been an eight, not a weird smiley, there. Some sort of auto-replace seems to have happened! | Hi patterjack Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 21st October 2006 | I've been visiting your sonnets and I think this is my favourite. I love the idea and the two 'themes' are beautifully interwoven. The only slightly awkward note for me was 'know' which crops up 3 times in quick succession in various forms. a wonderful modern sonnet. Great Elli | Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 31st October 2006 | | wonderful.... | Written by fellpony (1603 comments posted) 4th February 2007 | Reminds me of the work of a poet I knew in Chester, Philip Higson, who also was a master of the sonnet form. Delicious, both intellectually and sensuously.
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