I'm in love. Oh my God, I'm love! For the first time in my life I feel complete, I feel like a woman. It's Monday morning but it really feels like Friday to me. I'm on my way to work, the tube is just as overcrowded as ever but I don't really care. I smile gallantly at the overweight guy who's just pushed me inside the carriage and shrug nonchalantly at the comment someone behind me has made about the size of the luggage he's trying to squash in.

‘Hey, what's wrong with you?' Mark eyes me curiously as I walk into the office.

‘Nothing, why?' I throw him a full-size smile as I sit down at my desk.

‘Well, first of all, you're smiling and you're usually as miserable as fuck on a Monday morning. Secondly, you're early. Did you win the lottery or something?'

I look at the clock hanging on the wall above my desk. Blimey, he's right. It's not even eight o'clock yet. How did I manage that? Hmmm, it might have something to do with the fact that I barely closed an eye last night and I was already out of bed by half past five.

Yesterday morning after Paul and I finally managed to leave the bed around eleven, and marched downstairs to the kitchen and had breakfast, I suggested I should probably go home. I thought he might have other things to do and I didn't really want to get in the way. Even though just the thought of leaving him made my heart shrink and my mood collapse. But he told me the only thing he really wanted to do was to spend the day with me. So I stayed. He drove me back home around ten o'clock last night and after a long kiss in front of the house he told me he was going to call me. And I've been counting the hours ever since.

‘Yeah, I wish,' I mumble turning my face away from Mark's inquisitive eyes. To be honest, it does feel as if I've just won the jackpot, actually better.

It's ten o'clock and Paul hasn't called yet and I feel my mood reverting back to the usual Monday morning one. It's still early, I try to calm myself down. He's probably not even at the office yet. And he has perhaps a thousand things to do on a Monday morning.

My heart almost jumps out of my chest when the office phone rings. Stupid! As if Paul would really call the office number if he wanted to get hold of me! And it's not him of course. It's Louise who wants to know if I want to go out for lunch at the café across the road. God, Louise! I've almost forgotten about her. I must tell her. I know she'd be upset in the beginning, but she'd eventually understand. She's always cool about things. And it's not exactly as I planned anything, it just happened. Ok, she fancies Paul, but it's not as if anything had been going on between them, is it? It's exactly the same as it happened a few weeks ago when we went to the Header and there were these guys drinking next to us. I pointed out to Louise one of them was really cute and the next thing I knew she was chatting him up. I didn't get upset, well, it would've been pointless anyway since it turned out the guy was gay, and in the end it was Louise cursing my tastes in men and blaming me for making her waste a whole evening without even getting a free drink from the guy, let alone anything else.

There is another hour before I hear from Paul. It's only a short message asking how I was but at least I know he's thinking about me.

Fine, thanks. And u? I read my message like about twenty times before sending it off. I don't really want to sound too excited, you know.

I'm good, thank you. Paul replies back. You have a nice day and I'll talk to you later.

See, I told you. He's going to phone me. Perhaps in the afternoon when things have slowed down a little. He might even ask me for a quick drink after work. I mean, I know we can't stay too late since we both have work in the morning, but even if I saw him for only five minutes would be enough. God, life is wonderful, isn't it?

I'm still over the moon when Louise pops in to take me to lunch. Luckily no one has mentioned anything about Friday night. To be honest I think everyone was completely wasted and I doubt they remember much.

‘What are you so smirky about?' Louise keeps asking as we cross the road to the café.

‘Nothing, I just had a good weekend, that's all.' I shake my head briskly. I'm trying to play cool, but honestly, I can't help my mouth bursting into smiles. She does look quite cheerful herself as it happens.

Once in the cafe, I do feel quite edgy though after Lynn, the waitress, have taken our orders and we're now waiting for our food. Louise has gone for a Cesar salad, she's quite sensitive about her weight and has been on a diet ever since I met her. As for myself, well, I'm quite lucky. I can eat whatever I want and stay slim so I chose the fattest ever jacket potato with lots of cheddar cheese on top and a handful of green salad.

So, now, I have to tell Louise. I don't really know how she's going to take it. I hope she'll be cool about it. My heart is thumping really loud as I'm making an attempt to open the subject.

‘Lou, you know Paul, the guy...'

Louise's face frowns. ‘That idiot?  I don't want to talk about him, ok?' she cuts me off quite abruptly.  ‘A fucking waste of space if you want my honest opinion. And I still think he's gay, you know.' She giggles as if she's just told the best joke ever.

I feel my face burning as I lower my eyes on the steaming plate Lynn has just placed in front of me on the table. Hmmm, somehow I don't think so, Lou.

‘But, Lou, there is something .....' I try again looking up at her.

She stops poking her fork at the lettuce leaves sprawled on her plate and eyes me sharply.

‘Are you fucking deaf or something? I don't want to hear another word about him. Now can I have my dinner, please?'

‘Sure,' I mumble and the fork in my hand starts crushing the potato sloped on my plate. Well, she can't say I didn't try.

‘Adi, guess what?' Louise sounds suddenly cheerful as she stuffs a forkful of greens into her mouth. ‘I went clubbing Saturday night and I met this guy, James. He's absolutely gorgeous. He took me out yesterday afternoon actually.'

‘Oh no, really? That's fantastic, Lou.' I try to sound excited but my mind is full of Paul. I wonder what he's up to right now. Perhaps in a meeting. Or maybe having lunch at Danny's. Oh God, I miss him so much.

I vaguely listen to Louise's account of her yesterday's date with James. She mentions something about Pizza Express and a flat in Islington with a large bedroom and a four-poster bed, but I only click when I catch the words ‘a mound of cream' and something involving lots of licking.

‘Oh, thanks a bunch, Louise.' I make a disgusted face pushing away my plate with a half-finished potato still on it as I feel my stomach revolting. ‘I have really enjoyed my lunch, you know.'

She laughs loudly before taking another mouthful of salad. ‘Oh, come on. It's not exactly as if you're the virgin Mary, is it?'

No, not anymore, you're right.

It's Friday and I haven't heard from Paul at all. No phones calls, not even another message to ask how I was.  I've given up actually. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever hear from him again. So, this is it then. A weekend of fun, that's all I was. And I didn't even make it to the second round as Mark predicted it would happen to Louise. Paul must've had a good old laugh telling his friends about the silly girl from Beaurek site who thought having sex three times in a row was overindulgence. Or maybe he was too embarrassed actually to tell anyone about me. Which wouldn't surprise me to be honest. Lucky I didn't tell Louise, eh? She would've had a right laugh right now. Mark's been on my case all week asking who has upset me. Just to tell him the name and he'd go and sort them out, he said. Poor Mark, if he only knew. I told him I wasn't feeling too well. Tina hasn't said much. She knows something is wrong since I've hardly had any dinner for the last few days and I've been spending most of the evenings locked in my room, but I think she knows I'd rather be left alone. The truth is I feel quite sore, very sore actually, but I'll survive. I just hope I'll never see him again. The saddest thing is I can't even blame him. It's not exactly as if he forced me into anything, is it? Or promising me he was going to take me out again. He just said ‘I'll call  you.' Just being polite I suppose. It's not his fault that I was so stupid to take that literally and actually expect him to do it.

Everyone from upstairs is going to the Header tonight. I'm not, even though I told Glenn I will. Just to avoid a repeat of last Friday's performance really. I'll wait until they leave and then I'll go home. I'm not exactly in an entertaining mood to be honest. It might be Friday but to me it feels like the most miserable Monday morning.

It's almost eleven and I've just finished making a cup of tea for Mark who's at his desk reading the Daily Mail when I hear my phone chiming in my handbag. I slip a hand inside the bag and fish out the phone. I'm pretty sure it's Tina, phoning to see how I am. But I feel my face catching fire, my hand starts trembling and my stomach jolts nervously when I see the name displayed on the screen. It's not her, it's ...Paul. So, he's finally calling.

‘Aren't you going to answer that?' says Mark in an irritated voice as I stare at the phone in my hand, my legs gone all jellylike.

I gulp as I look up at him. ‘No.' I shake my head briskly. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to allow myself to become his weekend shag. No matter how much I'm aching to see him again. He can go to hell. If he really cared, he would've phoned sooner.

‘Well, switch it off then,' says Mark rolling his eyes. ‘That tune of yours gets on my fucking nerves.'

Well done, Mark. This is the cleverest thing you've said today. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I take another look at the phone before pressing the ‘Off' key.  Now you can call as much as you want.

He actually does. I have about five missed calls and two voicemail messages from him when I switch my phone on later that afternoon.

‘Hi Adi, it's Paul. Please call me when you get my message.' That's the first one. Then another. ‘Adi, it's me again. I hope everything is all right. Your phone's been off for the last few hours. Please do call me.'

He hasn't got it, has he? He must be quite thick or something. I don't want to speak to him. I don't want to ever see him again. Ok, I'm lying. I've been all a fidget ever since he phoned this morning and I haven't done half of the things Mark asked me to do. I filled instead about twenty sheets of paper with my stress-release scribbling. A quite few times I picked up the phone ready to call him back. But I can't afford to let myself dragged back into this.

It is almost half past three and Mark's already gone home. Apparently his wife's car has broken down and he had to go and pick up his kids from school. Luckily he left in such a hurry he forgot about the Weekly Safety Inspection Report I was supposed to fill in for him. Because I haven't finished it yet. This is what I'm actually doing now. Once ready I'll email it to Nigel upstairs and our safety guy at the Head Office. Then I'll be off.

The strident ring of the office phone startles me as I'm skimming through what I've typed so far. My right hand leaves the mouse and grabs the receiver. ‘Good afternoon, Dalen.' The over rehearsed tune comes out of my mouth mechanically while my eyes are still stuck to the computer screen.

‘Adi, it's Paul.'

My hand freezes on the phone and the air in the room feels suddenly very hot. It takes me a while before I manage to mutter back a ‘Hi.'

‘I've tried to call you a few times today and left a couple of messages on your mobile, but you haven't returned my calls.'

I wince rubbing my fingers against my forehead. Just keep calm. Try to sound composed. I can feel my heart racing in my chest.

‘I'm sorry, I have ...been very busy today.'

‘I see.' He doesn't sound too convinced.  ‘Adi, can I see you tonight?'

No, I can't let him do this to me. Never again. No matter how much it hurts now. It would be even worse later if I carried on. ‘I'm sorry, but I'm going out tonight with the guys from work.' I don't really know where all these words come from, they just spill out.

There is a hesitant silence at his end. ‘Oh, I see.' I can feel the disappointment in his voice. ‘Perhaps tomorrow?'

I squeeze my eyes really hard as I force the words out of my mouth. ‘I don't know. I'll call you.' He should be proud of me, this is something I learnt from him. A promise of a call which will never come.

I must get off the phone now. I know if he said another word I'd give in. I can feel it.

‘I'm sorry, I must go. Bye.'

My t-shirt feels clammy under my armpits as I slam the phone onto the hook and for a while I just stare blankly at the screen in front of me. My hands are still shaky when they return to the keyboard. This is it then. It's all over now. I sniffle loudly pushing back the tears stubbornly filling my eyes. No, I'm not going to cry. He's not worth it.

I'm going over the report I've just finished typing before sending it off when I hear voices coming from the reception. I look up at the clock above my desk. It's twenty to five. That must be Ben giving Ayo, the nightshift guard, some last minute instructions.

‘Come in,' I shout when I hear the knock on the door. He always pops his head in to say good night before leaving the site.

 I swivel my chair around as the door opens but the smile plastered on my face fades away when I see Paul standing in the doorway. I can feel my blood warming up sending my face in flames as I stare at him.

‘I've been to the Header, but you weren't there so I thought I might find you here,' he says moving inside the room and shutting the door behind him.

He has come all the way from Liverpool Street to find me? Even after I made it clear I didn't want to see him? Why?

‘I...I was actually just about to leave.' I jump off my chair as he moves closer. I turn to the desk and hastily start stuffing my things into my handbag, but my hands feel quite feeble and my mobile misses the bag opening and drops down on the desk with a loud bang. Why is he doing this to me? Why can't he just leave me alone?

I swallow heavily as I feel his hands on my shoulders.

‘Adi.' He spins me around and takes my chin in his hand, lifting my face up, forcing me to look at him. ‘I know I should've called.' There is a crease on his forehead, but his voice is mellow and his eyes very warm. ‘I wanted to, you have to believe me,' he carries on, his thumb tracing the contour of my upper lip. ‘But there have been a few things I had to sort out first.'

I squint looking away, my brow involuntary frowning. I want to say no, tell him to go, but it feels like my tongue has turned to led.

‘Please, Adi, let me make it up to you.' The back of his hand brushes down on my face.

‘Come and have dinner with me.'

I can hear steps marching along the corridor outside. Oh God, I need to get him out of here as soon as possible. It's almost five o'clock and I have a feeling Glenn will soon come looking for me when I'll fail to show up in the Header.

‘Ok.' I sigh heavily breaking away from him. ‘Ok. There is a ‘Nag's Head' up the road. You can't miss it, it's on the left near the station. I'll see you there in ten minutes.'

‘Ok.' His mouth breaks in a smile. ‘I'll see you soon.'

I collapse in my chair after he leaves. What the hell am I doing? For a moment I even contemplate not showing up. Which is pointless really because I know I will.