Alan Bennett once said, “Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key....”

Unfortunately, the key of life is not conveniently attached to the side of a tin, and without it, life can be pretty difficult to open, just like a sardine can!

There is no hard and fast rule to getting the life you want.  If I asked 10 people “What makes you happy?”would it be the same thing?  Okay, I guess some would think, a million on the lottery and a yacht would make life a lot nicer, but really there is nothing better, nothing more satisfying than having time to yourself and doing something you’ve always wanted to do.

So why haven’t you done it?

Most of us struggle to get life in balance.  By that I mean spend time earning money, time with our children, time with our parents, our partners, our lovers, and time with ourselves.  What do most people sacrifice today?  Time with themselves.  That space in the day, when they close the door on the world and have quality time on their own, or with someone else - doing what they want to do!

How many times have you found yourself saying, “I’ve always wanted to do that, but never have the time?”

Likewise, how many times have you found yourself in a situation, either at home or work, thinking, “I don’t really want to be here, or doing this”, but never actually attempting to change it?

So why didn’t you?

We’re programmed, by life, our childhood, and circumstances to perform a routine.  The route we drive to work, the supermarket we shop in, the type of person we pick as a lover.  Its habit.  And there is nothing more comfortable than a well-worn habit (Sound of Music joke in there somewhere). 

Change is scary.  Its unknown, and we fear it.  So we stick with what we know.  Even, in extremes, staying in an abusive relationship; holding down a dead-end job, not visiting the dentist when you have toothache, turning to alcohol or drugs.  Its habit, and changing that habit, even if it’s a bad one, means stepping outside the known, outside our comfort zone, into something, that, let’s face it could be even worse.

But how do you know if you don’t try?

Finding the key takes effort, a lot of it.  And time.  Which we often make our worst enemy, and use as the biggest excuse for not making changes.

I didn’t just become who I am overnight.  It’s taken many years of change to get to where I am, here today.

Some years ago, I found myself looking at my life from the outside.  A series of events, an unfaithful husband being one of them, made me wake up and think why? Why did I wear that terrible green floral dress that made me look more like an inebriated Christmas tree, do a job that I hated, live in a house I didn’t like and share a bed with a man who was about as attractive as a slug on salt.  I couldn’t come up with any logical answers other than - I didn’t have to! 

Nobody forced me into that job or that relationship - I chose them myself.  Nobody said live in that house or else…  I chose to live there.  I made the wrong choice, that’s for sure.  Is there anyone who can stand up and say “I have never been wrong, I have always made the right choice and look at me now, ain’t I great?  Anyone?  But who can stand up and say, “Yep, I made a wrong choice”? 

Most people.

Okay. Are they stuck with it? 

The answer - no.

Sometimes the changes are easy, sometimes not.  Sometimes they happen in an instance, sometimes they don’t.  Change does take careful planning, and manageable steps, and sometimes those steps are backwards, but only for a while.  But change is what it takes to get things right.

So how do you do it?

Start by looking at you.

Here are some easy questions.  Write them down, answer them truthfully.

<!--[if !supportLists]-->o       <!--[endif]-->Why do you work/live in that house/stay with that person?

<!--[if !supportLists]-->o       <!--[endif]-->Are your happy?

<!--[if !supportLists]-->o       <!--[endif]-->Are you doing what you really want to do?

<!--[if !supportLists]-->o       <!--[endif]-->Is there balance in your life?

<!--[if !supportLists]-->o       <!--[endif]-->What can you do to change?

<!--[if !supportLists]-->o       <!--[endif]-->How do you give yourself more time to do what you want?

Most of us work because we have to.  But that doesn’t mean we have to be miserable does it?  Nor does it mean that work should take over most of our lives.  It’s about balance, and if we haven’t got it, changing it.

Here’s something you can do to find out where there’s a need for change.

Starting from the moment you wake up tomorrow morning, write down everything that you do and how long it takes you.  From cleaning your teeth, to feeding the cat, write it down.  Next, draw a circle representing a 24 hour day and divide it up.  Now take a good look at what you do in a day.  Do you spend a large proportion either asleep or watching TV?  Do you spend 10 minutes a day talking to your partner?  Does the dog gets more attention?  This exercise soon highlights where most of our time is spent, do this over a whole week and you will soon realise where you can save yourself time, and more importantly what areas of your life need attention!

Now what can you do to make those changes?  Here are a few examples.

DO SOME CHORES TOGETHER. The family that plays – and does chores together, stays together!

LET SOME THINGS GO. Do you really have to iron your sheets? I once knew someone who ironed her pyjamas until I suggested she stop. Similarly, beds don't have to be made every morning - especially if you're in a hurry - and they certainly don't have to be made with hospital corners.  Friends coming over for dinner and you're pressed for time?   Buy a cake instead of baking your own. Avoid unnecessary "make-work projects."

HIRE HELP. This is not an isolated story. DIY, ironing, there’s always someone will to do it for you.  Even if you’re on a limited budget, saving money to hire help saves time.

DO SOME THINGS LESS OFTEN. Laundry can be a never-ending chore, particularly in large families. Wear clothes a littler longer - or buy extra underwear, socks and towels to avoid frequent laundering.

FIND SHORT CUTS. Fitted sheets and duvets were a big breakthrough in my life because they simplified bed making. Let dishes dry in a rack instead of using time and a towel.

BUY LABOUR-SAVING APPLIANCES. Dishwashers and microwaves are obvious examples. Buying appliances can be expensive but there are strategies around that too. For example, we bought a community leaf blower with other families or friends.

COOK EXTRA SERVINGS AND FREEZE FOR LATER USE. Cook in quantity. Toss large salads twice a week. Buy an extra fridge and buy milk in bulk - anything to cut down on the frequency of food preparation and shopping.   Shop on-line!

MANAGE EXPECTATIONS. "When all else fails, lower your standards." This old expression is especially important for perfectionists. There are houses that look like they're on permanent display. Many people choose cleanups over an evening walk; foregoing exercise to make sure the house looks great. Reverse those priorities and get the fresh air instead.

DOWNSIZE. This is a more dramatic solution, but people who took the step and bought a smaller house and sold some furniture and possessions were delighted with the results: less hassle and more time for relaxing and recreation. As one woman put it: "What did I need with a 3,000 sq. foot house anyway?"

NEGOTIATE A CHANGE WITH YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER. Progressive employers recognize the value of good employees, and many are willing to find ways to help current employees deal with short-term or permanent changes caused by family situations. The changes can include flexitime, job-sharing, telecommuting, or part-time employment. Your first step is to research your employer’s policies and methods of handling previous requests. Then go to your boss armed with information and a plan that shows how you will be an even more valuable and productive employee if you can modify your current work situation.

FIND A NEW CAREER. Some careers are simply more stressful and time-consuming than others. If you need more time for yourself or your family, now may be the time to explore careers that are less stressful and more flexible.

FIND A NEW JOB. Rather than a career change, perhaps you simply need to take a less stressful job within your chosen career. This change may involve working with your current employer to identify a new position, it may involve a full job-search, or it may involve temping or becoming a consultant or starting a freelancing or other home-based business.

SLOW DOWN. Life is simply too short, so don’t let things pass you in a blur. Take steps to stop and enjoy the things and people around you. Schedule more time between meetings; don’t make plans for every evening or weekend, and find some ways to distance yourself from the things that are causing you the most stress.

LEARN TO BETTER MANAGE YOUR TIME. Avoid Procrastination. For many people, most of the stress they feel comes from simply being disorganized -- and procrastinating. Learn to set more realistic goals and deadlines -- and then stick to them. You’ll find that not only are you less stressed, but your work will be better.

TAKE CHARGE. SET PRIORITIES. Sometimes it’s easier for us to allow ourselves to feel overwhelmed rather than taking charge and developing a prioritized list of things that need to get done. You need to buck the trend. Develop a list. Set priorities. And then enjoy the satisfaction of crossing things off your list.

SIMPLIFY. It seems human nature for just about everyone to take on too many tasks and responsibilities, to try to do too much, and to own too much. Find a way to simplify your life. Change your lifestyle. Learn to say no to requests for help. Get rid of the clutter and baggage in your house -- and your life.

There are just three things I want you to go away now and start doing now.

One, Start saying no.  If the boss turns round and says “You don’t mind working late tonight do you?” Say, “Sorry but tonight I have other commitments I cannot change.”

Two, Ask for help.  If he still wants the task completed today, ask a colleague if they can help.  They might say no, but you asked!

Three, Look at how you spend your time.  There is only so much of it, and once it’s gone, it’s used, so spend wisely.  Make time.  And one of the most important people to make time for is you!

This is the first stage of a journey to unlocking your life.  To letting go of what is holding you back.  Do these simple things and very soon you will find the power to be whomever you want to.

Reach for the stars.  Aim for the highest.  But remember, reaching the moon is an achievement in itself, so for every step you take, acknowledge your success, trust and believe in yourself.  You have the power to do whatever you want!