You demonstrate the trivial with pride.
Frankness becomes an easy three card trick.
What truth have you that cannot be denied ?
Go on, take all the suckers for a ride!
Your line of patter’s practised , smooth and slick.
You demonstrate the trivial with pride.
Though nobody could claim that you have lied
they’d find it hard to make your promise stick.
What truth have you that cannot be denied ?
“It’s not just good for you , it’s free ! “ you cried
“Roll up, there, one and all , and take your pick !”
You demonstrate the trivial with pride.
Have you a conscience still ? or has it died ?
Rewards come only to the very quick.
What truth have you that cannot be denied ?
If this , your kingdom, is what shall abide
you’ll lead a nation of the blind and sick.
You demonstrate the trivial with pride.
What truth have you that cannot be denied ?
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Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 7th March 2006 |
The master of the iambic pentameter strikes again... Personally, this one didn't work for me as well as some of your other recent poems, I felt that the form you were working with was just a bit too constraining, making some lines more abstract than they really should have been for such an earthy subject. "What truth have you that cannot be denied ?" seems pseudo-philosophical. The overall effect is that you've actually tried too hard with a piece which I would have preferred to read in free verse.
But that's partly me. I'm a bit suspicious of rigid forms (and iambic pentameters!), although I thoroughly respect the effort required to write in a form such as this and to make a solid, consistent poem out of it. |
Written by peeano1 (86 comments posted) 7th November 2006 |
It was pretty good. Very lively in many parts. It was not the best piece of work but very good indeed. I really liked how your tone expressed a bit of passion in it. Nice title. Overall, good job.  |
Written by Merioneth (79 comments posted) 10th April 2008 |
| The repitition of the two alternating lines, then the pulling together of the two at the end lent this poem at lot of strength. Haven't read your other stuff, but if this is an example of one of your weaker pieces I expect to be quite impressed with your other work =] |
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