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Dressing room
By sasquatch
04 March 2006
Its the England dressing room and Sven is talking to the team before the game.

 

He addresses Jamie Caragher of Liverpool first.

‘So’ begins Sven is his calm and moderate manner ‘how are you feeling about this game?’

 

Jamie replies in his heavily accented liverpudlian tones using various localized slang terms and talking at a fast pace. He says to Sven that it’s a shame frank lampard is injured as it means the team lose options in midfield. Sven smiles enigmatically and rubs his chin as he slowly nods his head. He clearly hasn’t understood a word.

 

‘Good good’ he says moving on to the next man, which is Wayne Rooney.

 

‘So Wayne, how are you feeling?’ Wayne responds in his thick accent explaining that the coach ride down was very uncomfortable and could he choose the music on the bus next time.

 

Again more calm smiling, nodding, chin rubbing and utter lack of comprehension issues forth from Sven.

 

‘Yes, he replies after a while, ‘to win would be very good’

 

He moves on to Beckham and a similar situation occurs as the captain, with his high pitched, slightly impeded voice explains who he thinks should be in goal.

 

Sven stares. ‘I make it half past’ he says eventually

 

Lastly he moves on to his assistance manager Steve Maclaren and asks who he thinks they should have on the bench. Sven is once again bamboozled by the response due to Maclarens thick Yorkshire accent. Steve runs through the 6 players he thinks should be substitutes.

 

More blank nodding and vague noises of agreement before Sven finally admits;

‘I’m sorry, I have no idea what you people are saying’

Reviews
You've got to score to win.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 4th March 2006
Mmmmmmmmm. The joke's a bit lame, but it would come to life much more if you actually wrote the dialogue instead of merely suggesting it. Scouse/cockney/Geordie all lend themselves to baffling misinterpretation, especially by a Swede and the moreso if you use the slang/ rhyming slang etc. I think the idea's a good one you just haven't carried it through to a script.  
 
Best of luck.

Written by sasquatch (125 comments posted) 5th March 2006
howdy and thanks 
i know what you mean and i considered doing that, the problem is for the joke to play in full you would need to actually hear the accents, the words themselves from each player were not so important, just the diffculty for them to be understood by sven.  
I could have tried some phonetics i guess, perhaps i was too lazy to try. This therefore, in part, is a description of the gag rather than the thing in full. 
 
i saw an interview with rafa beitez when he confessed to often not understanding a word some of the local guys were saying. 
 
cheers
Tough one
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 5th March 2006
This is a good, but I think used idea that works great when you can hear the people talking. I think you'll always struggle to make it work unless you can learn to type perfect scouse, or geordie etc. Even then, it'll never compare to a visual/audiable sketch. 
 
I had a thought of doing something similar, but with all players using famous gaffe's.... 
 
"As I've said before and as I've said in the past" 
 
"They compare him to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different"  
 
"For those watching in black & white, Spurs are in the yellow" etc etc. 
 
Good attempt though. 
 
 

Written by sasquatch (125 comments posted) 6th March 2006
yeah that was the basis for this, that it would be played out with visual and audio, not as a written piece. 
It has to be done that way sometimes. 
 
Recently i actually heard another commentator begin the immortal line; 
'if that had gone in...' 
 
he then trailed off and his co-commentator added 
'it would have been a goal?' 
 
chortle
Thought
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 6th March 2006
Visit http://www.the-eye.com/gaffes.htm there's tons there. 
 
My favourite? "Paul Scholes there, revelling in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke!" - Pure Genius.

Written by sasquatch (125 comments posted) 7th March 2006
haha, i love keegans comments, he was so consistent -  
 
 
"Sol Campbell there, using his strength. And that is his strength. His strength." - Kevin Keegan 
 
"I never predict anything and I never will do." - Paul Gascoigne 
 
 
ill send this link round the office, theres some gems there. 

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