SATAN CALLS GOD

An calm female voice recording answers

"Thankyou for calling Heaven, you are now in a queueing system and will be dealt with when one of our Customer Service advisors becomes available"

Satan groans and slumps back in his chair

"Did you know that you can access Heaven online at www.himupstairs.com, or alternativley you can leave a message by praying and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible"

The phone begins to ring again and Satan starts drumming his fingers on the table

"Thankyou for holding, all our Angels are busy at the moment, you are moving up the queue and an advisor will be available to take your call in 500 years, we are sorry for any inconvenience caused"

Satan curses and hangs up, he goes into his desk and pulls out his mobile phone. Holding down the number 7 he speed dials God

"Welcome to the GodNet answerphone, the Lord of all Creation is unavailable at present, please leave a message after the 'Amen' "

Satan throws his phone through an open window and into a firey chasm. He walks over to a coatstand and grabs his jacket before walking over to a lift and stepping in. There are only two buttons 'Heaven' and 'Hell'. Satan presses 'Heaven' and the lift shoots upwards.

The lift arrives outside the Pearly Gates, where a sign has been hung.

CLOSED FOR REFURBISHMENT - ALL INNOCENTS ARE BEING REDIRECTED TO ZEUS. CALL 0800 ZEUS ME.

Satan groans and manifests a new mobile phone. He dials Zeus.

"Thankyou for calling the domain of Zeus, you are now in a queuing system......"