More fun & games in the jungle

[Ant n Dec are in the Jungle. The contestants are now down to the last three, as Ted Bundy and Dennis Nielsen were voted off last week]

Ant: Well we’re down to the last three contestants, and yes!! Youz’ve guessed it, it’s time for the dreaded 'Bush Top Her Trials'.

Dec: Whay aye, that’s reet, we’ll release a young wifey oot intae the Jungle. It’s a battle for survival (well, as far as ‘wor contestants gan) Our marvellous murderers have to catch their victim and polish 'em off. Noo, upon catching the victim, ‘wor contestants will have 10 minutes, then we release the police. They've gotta conceal their crime, or avoid capture. Let’s see how they got on…

[Cut to VT of Peter Sutcliffe chasing a woman through the jungle, ball pein hammer and carving knife at the ready]

Ant: Good work from ‘wor Pete, cuttin’ her off at the river… And he’s got her! Well done. Now in he gan’s. Great use o' the hamma', good, efficient morderin’. And his evasion time starts………… noo!

Dec: Whay aye, that’s reet. Noo here come the Jungle police, and look at ‘wor Pete, ‘es croochin’ doon behind that pile ‘o rocks..... poor attempt at hidin' the body mind, they'll find her easy hidden under that ol' matress...[After 5 mins, the Police find him. Cleverly, he asks to urinate and hides his hammer under some leaves]

Ant: Ha ha, he he. Well done, an evasion time o’ 5 mins and 12 seconds. Noo, how will ‘wor Fred gan on? Well I can tell ya’z that he caught and strangled the victim in under 3 minutes, canny work tho’ but. An’ look at him noo! [VT of Fred shovelling a pit] He’s digging a makeshift grave, and hoying the carved up bit’s in. Ho Ho, He’s filling the grave, and here come the bobbies look Dec!"

Dec: Great confidence from Fred ‘ere. He’s sittin’ doon having a tab!! Nae attempt to avoid the police at all h’yor. Full o' confidence that they won't discover his burial site. Confidence nae doubt attained over 25 yorrs of fine morderin'.

[Police arrive on scene, they hunt high & low, but fail to detect Fred’s grave]

Ant: Time’s up, and well done to Fred. He ganns intae the lead. Maximum evasion there, nay chance o' finding the victim. Full marks.

Dec: Last up, it’s ‘wor Doctor Harold. Here he ganns, not tee fast oota the blocks mind, and here he is seven minutes later, an’ he’s aanly just got his hands on the lass! I think he's gunna be lucky tae win this one Ant!"

Ant: Whay aye, he’s administering the lethal jab just noo though, but the plod are already nearing the scene, h'yor they come…... Got ‘im! Poor murderin’ from Dr. H. there, the dose has aanly just started to kick in, in fact his victim is able to walk back tae the hospitality area to dee in comfort look.

Dec: So there we gann, this yorrs winner of I’m A Serial Killer, Get Me Ootta H’yor is ‘wor Fred from Gloucester!

Ant: MArvellous! Well done, join us next year for the next series. And remember, places are still up fer’ grabs in next years show, so if you wanna be on the show, yee’z knaa what tae dee!