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By JohnnyD
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18 June 2009 |
THE PRECIOUS PEARL
Rare and precious
I held it with care
Never,
Never to let it slip away!
Eyes sparkling
The precious pearl rolling
Evaporates in a matter of time
I wondered though!
When I look
I can still feel the softness
Rolling in my palm
Touched by its freshness!
Years have gone by
I still hold your pearl!
Caressing it every single moment
Engraved in my palm!
Johnny D
18th June 2009
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Written by Phil (8764 comments posted) 20th June 2009 | Johnny - I prefer this to many of your posts. It tells a story and is tied together with one quite coherent theme. I not sure pearls evaporate though. Could have done without the exclamation marks too.
Phil |
Written by Mr_E_Writer (466 comments posted) 20th June 2009 | Yes, Johnny, lose the exclamation marks!!!!! Your words should be all the expression you need.
A pearl evaporating? If the pearl is a metaphor for a rare and precious person then i suppose it can do whatever it wants.
Skin, as soft as silk, with time will lose its sheen and become as old cracked leather. And yet silk cannot become leather.
Saying that, I feel the “Evaporation” and “Years have gone” lines were unnecessary, when splitting it into two concise stanzas (past and present) would make for a better end product.
The pearl, rolling in my palm
rare and precious
I held it with care
eyes sparkling
never to let it slip away
I still hold your pearl
engraved on my palm
can still feel the softness
caress it every single moment
touched by its freshness.
Keep on doing what you do, Johhny.
Kind regards
Eric. | Your version is lovely Eric...
Written by JohnnyD (177 comments posted) 21st June 2009 | Thank you Eric for your lovely version... I quite liked it...
Pearl is the metaphor used for my beloved's teardrop... so obviously tears do evaporate...
Johnny D |
Written by Mr_E_Writer (466 comments posted) 21st June 2009 | Johnny.
I'm so pleased that you didn't object to my rewriting of your words, and I'm happy that you liked the end result.
I found it a pleasure to do – after all, we are here to assist one another wherever and whenever possible.
Kind regards
Eric. |
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