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First Meeting
By BillySoho
04 July 2009

An Autumn night.


It was a Thursday night in the middle of September. The Dog And Duck was filling up.

“So, come on Keith, whats her name then”, asked Timbo.

“Now my friend”, said Keith. “That would be telling”.

“Aw, come on”, said Jack.

“Nah”, said Keith. “You think I’d tell you. To get your grubby paws on her”.

“Ha ha”, laughed Jack. “So where are they off?”.

“Same place as us”, said Keith. “The Sports Club”.

No one said anything.

“So whats happened to your band, Jack”, asked Timbo.

“Not a lot”, said Jack.

“Why not?”.

“Ah, you know. Musical differences”.

“You mean you’ve split up?”.

“Something like that”.

“After one gig”.

“That’s how things are”.

Jack sipped his beer.

“What time are we going?”, asked Keith.

“Want to get there quick?”, asked Timbo.

“Any reason?”, asked Jack.

Jack and Timbo laughed.

“Come on lads”, said Keith. “That’s enough”.

“I think I know who it is”, said Timbo.

“Leave it”, said Keith.

“I don’t know her”, said Jack.

“You will”, said Timbo.

Jack sat down, pondered, then got up. “Mm”, he said, taking a long drink. “Come on then”. He drained his glass.“

“You joking” said Timbo.

“No I’m not”, said Jack. "Come on".  He stood up and opened the door.

"We're behind you", said Keith.

“I love this time of year”, said Jack, stepping onto the pavement. “Summer holidays are over and its all coming alive. Bringing something exciting”.

“If you say so”, said Timbo.

Keith stuck his hand out and flagged down a taxi. He got in the front and the other two got in the back.

“Sports Club”, said Keith.

“I’ve just dropped off out there”, said the driver. Seem to be a lot going“.

In a few minutes they were dropped off outside and Keith paid the fare.

“Come on”, said Jack.

They walked towards the door and paid their entrance fee and had their hands stamped. In a few moments they were standing at the bar, the music pulsing.

“Your round”, yelled Jack.

Keith waited to be served and Jack leant against the bar. Surveying the scene. Hands in his pockets. He took the beer from Keith and had a swig. He smiled. There was a particular object of his attention. Shimmering. Bright eyes glancing over occasionally.

He took another swig.

“If I think about it I’ll never act”, he said to himself.

He put the pint down and walked across the dance floor. There was a girl ahead of him, thrusting her hips and throwing her long hair around. He said nothing. He just danced in front of her and moved close. The bass was pounding. The lights were blasting out at him.

He looked over at the bar. Keith’s face had the words “you bastard” written on it.

Reviews

Written by alliepally (17 comments posted) 4th July 2009
You're really good at conversation that is true to real life, but it was still really interested. thats a good skill to have!

Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 5th July 2009
Wasn't sure about the story itself. Perhaps a little predictable. However - the dialogue was generally good and what little exposition there was, well done. 
 
There was just one part: 
 
The three lads walked out of the pub into the crisp night.  
 
That you seemed to have slipped in as an after thought. It didn't quite reach the tone and quality of the rest. 
 
Phil
Useful comments
Written by BillySoho (50 comments posted) 5th July 2009
And thanks for them. I'm using this series of stories to explore techniques, one of which is dialogue. Though there will be others. 
 
I take the point about the story. I think it was misplaced in shorts because it is essentially a chapter in a bigger, although loosely linked, story. I've therefore moved the two written so far to Extended and given them the title The First Cut. 
 
I've also got rid of the line quoted!

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