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A child dreams
unrestrained,
filled with wonder,
false bravado
of never ending light.
The dreams,
like light,
grow dim with time.
Heartbreak,
hopes lost,
a child awakens
bitter and cold
in a grown up body
shadowed by dreams
unlived and unfulfilled
knowing she must
continue living
continue dreaming
in an eternally
fading light.
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Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 10th March 2006 | This is a very atmospheric piece of writing, though I have to make the same comment I make to about 50% of the poems on this site, which is that in places it was just a bit too abstract for me. That's as much down to my personal preference as anything else, though!
For me the bit which works best is the middle section:
"a child awakens
bitter and cold
in a grown up body"
I think this is a magnificent image - definitely the physical as well as the emotional heart of the poem - and I'd have liked to see more of this image permeating the rest of the poem. It works for me because it's a strong VISUAL image, but it's also a visual image loaded with emotion, so it's one I can easily latch onto, and begin to try and share something of the pain experienced by the subject of the poem. I find it much harder to latch onto some of the other parts of the poem: "wonder", "bravado", "heartbreak" are all rather abstract words, but they're words that have much more power if you can find some sort of physical image to personify them. Similarly, when you say that the child "dreams", it's hard for me to picture WHAT or HOW the child is dreaming; the only image I have is that of the endless light. I wonder if it's possible for you to go a little deeper into the light - perhaps to conjure up the pictures which may seem to be forming there. If we know, from later in the poem, that those pictures remain unfulfilled, it will add an extra level of poignancy to the poem.
Very interesting work though. I look forward to reading some more of your material! |
Written by Josie (2772 comments posted) 11th March 2006 | | Could you please explain to me why this person is dreaming in an eternally fading light? Also why is the child's dreams of "false bravado"? If I didn't understand, perhaps others won't also - or perhaps I'm just dim! ha ha | Thank you
Written by eiresol (1 comments posted) 12th March 2006 | Thanks for taking the time to read my poem. The response was actually alot better than I would expect. I tend to consider my poems rather self indulgent, prepubescent whining - which is quite tragic considering I'm 33!
Amboline, I will admit you will find 99% of my poetry very abstract. It's what works for me, it's the type of art I enjoy. I like the power of imagery that a single word can invoke in me, although I realize this may not work for everyone. I didn't want to explain or tell the story of what the child dreams - so that a person can maybe put their own dream into the poem. But Amboline, you have given me some things to consider and I appreciate you pointing them out. Thank you.
Josie - "dreaming in an eternally fading light" - my fancy way of saying - death approaches for us all. "false bravado of never ending light"- because during our youth we feel immortal and brave that we can do anything and that time is endless but yet, we still have many fears that hinder us from attaining our goals or dreams whatever they may be, so that very bravado is indeed false. As we mature, we realize that time is definitely not endless - it fades away with each passing day. It's really just a poem about losing hope and holding onto it to survive.
Again, thank you both for your comments. |
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