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By patterjack
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15 March 2006 |
The first of the few sonnets I have written
My hometown's valley was hot , and to the south and west there were purplish blue mountains , timber country . At that time the timber there was hauled by teams of bullocks . Majestic beasts !
Roiling over those mountains , during the hot season , would come some tremendous storms . Mountain Storm
Throughout the heat of day the mountains slept,
settling their bullock bulk against the town
unmindful of the restless wind that swept
across their backs and through the paddocks' brown.
Beneath the gongbeats of a brassy sun
Unyoked they drowsed; only the massive thews
quivered from the strain of long hauls done,
trembling though a haze of reds and blues.
but with the dusk the long cloud whips uncoil;
the lightning prods with sharp incessant goad
the dusty stretches of the foothills boil
as lumbering giants rise to a giant's load.
They grunt above us , oxen huge and blind;
the town awaits the first hoof's crushing grind.
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Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 15th March 2006 | Welcome to the Patterjack sonnet masterclass! I find stuff like this really quite amazing - beautiful imagery combined with impeccable craftsmanship. If I were being really picky, I could argue that the idea of storms = celestial oxen is a bit of a mythological archetype, not quite as original as some of your material, but I don't think that detracts from the poem at all. And as I've said before, sonnet form is one I wouldn't normally touch with a barge-pole so it's a double pleasure to see it done with such a skilful modern touch. There are poetry competitions which offer sonnet prizes, you know (Ware Poets is one) - you should seriously consider entering | Written by Josie (2849 comments posted) 15th March 2006 | | Now amboline has beaten me in telling you the same. I immediately had the image of the Glasshouse Mountain in Queensland because when I was there, you had the same sort of oppressive feeling before the heavy rains came. Yes, the heaviness of an oxen - though they didn't have oxen there. I wanted to be inspired to write about The Glasshouse Mountain, but at the moment I just couldn't - and then the silly words above yours came out instead! (mad). I couldn't read much of your second poem - it made my stomach wretch. I'm sorry. | Thanks Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 15th March 2006 | Fair comment from you both -- and sorry Josie ( honest ! ) about turning your stomach . But , meat eater though I am , abattoirs curdle my stomach too . There is an underlying reference to some aspects of modern warfare and its concomitants also Re the *celestial oxen* -- I never thought of that possibility -- I was too busy remembering being almost run down by a bullock team hauling a log , and of the humped solidity of my home valley barrier . Thank you | celestial or solid, they work Written by mmSeason (32 comments posted) 20th March 2007 | Excellent. The image works wherever it came from. I like the ambiguity of whether you're talking about the bulls or the hills, and the sense of underlying danger. mand |
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