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| The World Of Thingie Bobies Because I Like Fish | |
| By Curse | ||||
| 16 March 2006 | ||||
THE WORLD OF THINGIE BOBIES BECAUSE I LIKE FISH By Sasha Aleksov It was 5th March when I looked through the window. How was I supposed to know it was the Window of Zeeblagya? It seemed like a normal window overlooking the garden. But this time something was different. Our new home was surrounded by a pond-like pool. A pond-like pool contaminated by pretty pink flamingos! Before I could think another thought, the Window flew open, and something flew in. Bright and pink, a flamingo wearing a long, tall hat stoof broadly on the table. “Well, it isn’t much a hotel!” it said. “Hotel? Don’t be crude! This is my bedroom!” I replied. The flamingo flapped its wings. “Do you know who I am?” the bright creature said. “You are a flamingo in my bedroom.” “Oh my good god in heaven! I’m not just any flamingo. I am The Flamingo of Luck!” I stood there in my bedroom – unshocked. How dare he! Or she… It! Oh, whatever! All I knew was that I would not be degraded by a pink bird. “You are not lucky!” I demanded, “You are trespassing in my bedroom. Good day to you!” Suddenly, the flamingo burst into a flapping frenzy! “Squawk! Insolent child! Now you shall be dooooooooomed!” At this the walls, floor and even myself began to wobble and shake. Soon, I was no longer at my new home – but what seemed like a whole new world! Colourful brightness! The sky was filled with cows bearing Pterodactyl wings! I had never seen such a sight in my life! Trees walked around what seemed like pink-cement pathways. “Oi!” I looked around. Where did this small voice come from? “Hey dumbo-deaf down ‘ere!” And at my feet stoof an angry looking garden gnome. “Well, what are you looking at?” I was quite speechless. This was abstract. “Cat got your tongue?” he asked, pointing his little fishing rod at me. I decided I should answer, but couldn’t say a word as a cat launched at my face. “I’ll take your tongue!” screeched the black cat scratching at my face. I tried my hardest to take him off, but unfortunately my mouth fell off and dropped to the floor. “How am I supposed to take your tongue if you have no mouth?!” The cat jumped off and flawlessly walked away. The gnome picked up my mouth and handed it to me. “I think you dropped this.” I placed my mouth neatly back on. “My name’s Gnome,” he said. “That’s nice. My name is Roy,” I politely replied. “What a strange name indeed! Why not just human or boy?” Gnome replied. “I’ve always wondered that myself, but that’s besides the point! Where am I and how did I get here?” “This is the World of Thingie Bobies because I like Fish, but some people call it the Nation of Ratatatatseewahwilliwahshibinihnihwa.” “Well, Ratatatatseewahwilliwahshibinihnihwa seems like a very colourful place. And hostile.” “Hostile? Ha! Don’t be daft you carbon based seewah! It’s the most kiki place in the world!” “Oh, alright then,” I said – not knowing the meaning of ‘kiki’. I was a tad nervous about this Ratatatatseewahwilliwahshibinihnihwa place, but nevertheless, I was stuck here! “Hm… Your not from here are you? How did you get here?” Gnome asked. “Well, I was looking out a window when, suddenly, a fla-“ “-mingo flew in and started talking,” he interrupted. “How did you know?” I asked suspiciously. “The same thing happened to me! I was happily fishing with my fellow gnomes when the dumb bird came!” “Really? Where are your fellow gnomes now?” “They all got put into slavery by… by…” “By…” Gnome stuttered as he said, “The most horrible terror of them all! So unspeakable, I can’t say!” Gnome said quietly, and as if his voice wasn’t quiet enough! “How do I get out of here?” “Ha! There’s no getting out! All humans that were sent here got turned into a calendar!” “Oh my goodness gracious! How horrible! I must trek to find home immediately!” I cried, “I don’t want to turn into a boring calendar!” “It’s actually quite fun. You get to-“ But I refused to be a calendar! No way! “Please help me!” I yelled. There was a short silent moment. Gnome sighed, and then told me about a special window. The Window of Zeeblagya. Apparently it would send me back home. Apparently. There was a 50/50 chance that I’d actually be sent home. The other possibility was me turning into a sky cow. A sky cow is a cow with pterodactyl wings which can be seen all over in the sky. There were many of these ‘sky-cows’, and it wasn’t very reassuring. Gnome transported me with a SPLASH-ZEEZEE-WA! It was quite colourful. What stood before me then was quite unexpected. A big, huge in fact, piece of paper – with arms and legs. A large ‘NO SMOKING’ sign was printed in the middle. I was quite speechless. “WaWa! – Don’t smoke!” it said, even though it had no mouth. “Okay.” “You are who? – No smoking!” “I am Roy.” “Wa-haat? – No smoking!” “I am Roy?” “Wa-haaaat? – Don’t smoke.” This sign had a slight accent. Then I realized. The No-Smoking sign wasn’t very good at English! I tried improvising my speech. “Roy am I” I tried. This seemed to word, I think. “Ah. Help you may I may? – Don’t smoke.” “Yes. Please.” “Problem have what you it? – No smoking!” It took me a moment for my brain to unscramble this sentence. “Lost I am in this world,” I said. “Do smoke you? Don’t smoke!” it replied. “No.” “Stuck here are you?” “Yes!” I could feel my impatience rising. “Window of Zeeblagya need you! It don’t smoke no!” “Yes! Yes I know! How do I get it?” A short seconds silence. “Ex – cuh – uh – hoos – os – meh?” Arg! How frustrating this was! “Window! Get there how I?” The sign stared at me. Well, what I think was a stare. “One No gets from Zeeblagya Window!” “Me tell you me how!” I screamed. “Say No I cannot more!” I stood, infuriated – and then it came to me. “If tell you me do not, smoking start I shall!” I’m not sure if this was the right thing to say. The large paper started running around screaming. “Help! Nicotine! Help! Tobacco! Help! Smoke!” And at that moment, something extraordinary happened. A small red box reading ‘JAN 1ST” appeared on my right hand! Oh! I was turning into a calendar! “Just tell me how to get to the Window of Zeeblagya and I won’t smoke!” It stopped, the big cross-ring staring at me. “Pah – har – dahahn – miii?” “Arg! To Window of Zeeblagya tell me and smoke I won’t!” “Okay! Okay! I teleport you to Enco to you!” “Enco?” “Ya – ha – ha – kaklatra!” Suddenly, the red cross-circle began to glow! “In here jump! Good luck! And smoke don’t!” the sign said, sadly. I hesitated, but jumped anyway. It seemed like going down a tunnel make of lit cigarettes! Down and down I slid until I entered something new! It seemed like a huge white archive. Neat, immaculate cabinets everywhere, and people! I thought I was finally happy to see my own human race at last, until I saw that these ‘people’ had books for heads. I walked up to one of them, but they interrupted me with: “Go to the help desk – leave me alone!” So I searched and searched, and finally found the Help Desk. A nice lady (I think), with the same book for a head acknowledged me. “Good Mornaftering!” she said politelu. I had never heard of ‘Mornaftering’ before. “Um… Hello,” I replied. “May I assist you?” “Uh, yes, please. Are you ‘Enco’?” “Dear god no! I am-” Suddenly, a loud CRASH. “WILLIWAW!! SEEWAW!!” screamed a high-pitched voice, repeating these words over and over. “Oh no!” cried the helpdesk lady, “Not a Williwaw!” Before I could ask what a ‘williwaw’ was, something flew in my face. A flapping something. A something screeching a certain ‘SEEWAW! WILLIWAW!” and that was the last thing I remembered. I woke up in a nice fire-lit room. A large encyclopedia was watching me with its ‘Occular Process’ page. “Oh. Hello,” I said, looking around, “Where am I?” “In my office. I am Enco for Encyclopedia.” “Oh! Hello!” I felt very pleased with myself for finally reaching this far. This was Enco! My gate to home! “What are you doing here?” Enco asked. “Well… I was sent to find you-” “By No-Smoke to find the Window of Zeeblagya.” I was used to this whole ‘finishing off people’s sentences’ thing now. “Right. Okay.” “Trying to get home are we? Well, the only way is the Zeeblagian Window, and that is the only, and hardest way! It isn’t easy!” Enco lectured. “Yes. I can tell!” I stopped. My whole right arm was filled with calendar dates. Oh no! I sighed and said, “Not much use now. I’m a calendar-boy.” “No. There’s still quite some time. It’s just what you’d be up against . The actual journey to the Zeeblagian Window is very quick. “Please! I want to go home!” Enco soon told me about the Gift Palace. It sounds like a nice place, but it’s home of the EVIL MASTER. His identity is unknown to me right now, but I shall soon find out. The journey WAS very quick. They sure do like teleportation here! The palace was a lovely ruby colour. At the large palace doors, a huge flamingo shaped door-knocker was placed. I knocked three times, and surprisingly, they opened. I entered what seemed like a crystal-ruby palace. It was just a narrow hallway leading to the next set of huge doors. As I was about to knock another flamingo door-knocker, the door opened instantly. The sound of trumpets filled the huge room. A gold throne right to the other end of the room was empty. “State your business one who wishes to reach the Zeeblagian Window!” A voice boomed. “To reach the Zeeblagian Window?” The loud voice cackled. “Go away foolish boy!” “Excuse me! I will not go away until I get home!” “This is your home now boy! Your calendar life!” I would never allow myself to become a calendar! “No way! Who are you? Reveal yourself, loud voice!” The voice cackled again. “Do what he asks!” The trumpets surrounding the room gasped. This was the first time I noticed them, next to each other at the walls – floating in midair. Two oversized wine glasses appeared, holding a small, nicely decorated Christmas Tree. The glasses walked up to the throne and placed the tree on the seating area of the throne. “I am… Evil Emperor Magic Tree!” called a voice. Strangely enough, the voice came from the tree. I didn’t know tree’s could become evil emperors. “Tree emperor or not, I shall get home!” “Hahaha! Think again!” “Just let me go home!” The was a short silence. “Bring the window,” Magic tree said to the wine glasses. “Yes, sire!” the glasses said in sync. They walked back to wear they came, and then returned, holding a large window. They places it besides the throne. “This is what you want. The Window of Zeeblagya,” the gold star glistened on the top of Evil Emperor Magic Tree, “Go home. If you dare…” And I did just that. Closer and closer I got to the window. Soon I was right besides it, and as I reached my hand out to enter, I fell. I slipped. I transformed. On the palace floor, before the Window of Zeeblagya, in front of the wine glasses, in front of Evil Emperor Magic Tree, in front of the gossiping trumpets, lay a calendar. Me. THE END |
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