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The World Of Thingie Bobies Because I Like Fish |
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By Curse
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16 March 2006 |
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Curses!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 16th March 2006 | Well Curse, at risk of stating the obvious it was a cursed bad business wading through that lot. The easy bit would be to ignore it but no one else seems to have taken any time to talk to you I couldn't leave it like that. Forgive me for putting this brutally, but if I don't as like as not someone else will, and possibly the moreso.
First the whole thing is far too long and trespasses on the margins of pretentiouness. Someone needs to tell you that if you are going to opt for an 'incoherent' text/prose line OK; but you must be an absolute master of prose style to carry it off and franky, old bean, you are not. At its worse this kind of thing gives the impression of someone trying to show how 'smart' they are. That's fine if you can write tight melodic sentances because you can carry the reader with you and you will be forgiven for not always making sense. But you have too many clumsy lines and what should be a firework display of dialogue just gets annoying.
I'll leave the negatives there and try to add some encouragement. You obviously display an enthusiasm for what you write and have thought enough about your subject to try to make it different from the 500,000 other examples of this overpopulated genre, so well done there. At least you're in the top 100,000! To climb higher you are going to have to look seriously at your 'word' craft. Best of luck. And remember, I'm only one person. Others may find differently. If they can get round to telling you that is. | Trippie
Written by BlondeBimbo (2 comments posted) 23rd March 2006 | | Took me the longest while to read your peice and the comments by curse, which are very relevant and I would only add, again, Trippie! |
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