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By brook_rivers
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16 March 2006 |
Upside down
To the ground
Hurley burley
Round and round
Backwards, forwards
Whoosh of air
Side to side
‘oooh careful there’
Blur of colour
Scream and shout
Loop the loop
Twist and slide…………
Inside out
Thrown about
Right side up
Let me out!
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Curious
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 17th March 2006 | Why did you choose to make them all rhyme except the third verse?
| Curious
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 17th March 2006 | Why did you choose to make them all rhyme except the third verse?
| ummmmmmmmm
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 17th March 2006 | i dont know really!!
I wasn't really focusing on rhyme here, more the feeling of being on a roller coaster!!! |
Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 17th March 2006 | Please excuse me. My poems are different to everyone elses because I like rhyme - so I am dying to say that I liked your poem so much, but I am also dying to say:
"Just twist ABOUT" because all the other verses rhyme, but "slide" doesn't rhyme with "shout", ha ha. I thought how much you got out of this subject. Very well done. I've just revamped my poem "Mickledy-Me" because I could see it wasn't good. Yours is only one word. haha. | Feeling dizzy
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3136 comments posted) 17th March 2006 | Hi didn't know you were a poet as well. The last time I was on a rollercoaster was Goose Fair '89 I was sick on my boyfriend, we split up soon after. Now that's the power of a good poem, takes you back. You certainly captured the feeling of being on one. Someone said poems were condensed emotion and yours works on that level. One small gripe
"oooh careful there’" Didn't like that line,it seemed a bit forced but I liked the poem-- and it rhymed like all good poems should
"Writing blank verse is like playing tennis with the net down"- R Frost" |
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 18th March 2006 | thank you for the positive comments everyone. Now you mention it the 'odd' line that doesnt rhyme does look a bit out of place. thats why i like this site because no matter how much u revise and adjust a poem a fresh pair of eyes and a new opinion is always really helpful and points out things which on reflection do seem really obvious!
Yes I am a poet, well trying to be. poetry is most definately my first love and is what started me off on this rocky road of creative writing! But realistically poets have to have some sort of day job or other form of writing as the majority just dont get paid well, even if they are successful(which is usually when they are dead unfortunately) in most cases. So i started doing other types of writing, which at the moment I am really enjoying as well.
thanks again for the comments  |
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