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Poetry
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Moments from a life, revisited. No.3
By Val
10 August 2009
Ongoing!

Firstborn 1961

We pregnant mums reclining on the floor
practice our breathing exercises now.
Beached bladder wrack our swollen bellies lie
fresh flotsam on the clinic's quiet shore.
Calm and unknowing we await the wave
that will in labour's maelstrom swirl us soon.
Small ripples start, then surging waves of pain
to towering crests rise up, the crash and fall
upon the beach, their fury spent; flow back,
ebb and regather till the tempest's rage
resumes once more, batters the harbour wall,
to push the precious cargo through the breach.

All is forgotten as I hold her soft
and tiny to my breast, my sweet new babe.

Reviews

Written by wendycat (2302 comments posted) 10th August 2009
Really liked this, very powerful and emotive. 
 
Strong images, loved 'fresh flotsom on the clinics quiet floor' 
 
A very strong, well written piece. 
 
Wendy 
X

Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 10th August 2009
Liked this too. There was a strength in the rhythm as well as the words. 
 
Phil

Written by Bronte (49 comments posted) 11th August 2009
you really dont need the last two lines in this. they take more than they add. honest!

Written by Val (314 comments posted) 11th August 2009
Wendycat and phil - thanks for your comments. 
 
Bronte - the reason for the last two lines is that this is a sonnet - sonnets generally have 14 lines - honest!

Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 11th August 2009
Enjoyable read, Val, liked the use of 'labour's maelstrom'. 
 
Odd take on the sonnet if you don't mind my saying so, but still enjoyed it. 
 
Cheers

Written by Val (314 comments posted) 12th August 2009
Free interpretation of sonnet I must admit! 
Tried to get a 'turn' in the last two lines to make a contrast - continuing the sea metaphor - like getting into the calm waters of a safe haven after a storm at sea. 
 
Glad
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 12th August 2009
that you did not use the safe haven image-- it would have been a bit of a cliche , and weakened an otherwise strong piece. 
 
I sniggered at bladder wrack having watched the foetal growth of three children and their effect on urination 
 
patterjack

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 12th August 2009
I think that's one of the strangest metaphors for birth that I've heard but you stuck with it and made it work. It's certainly an interesting take on the subject. 
 
Don't quite know why but it made me think of the film "From Here to Eternity" with all those waves crashing.  
Perhaps you could have renamed it "From Here to Maternity" 
:grin :grin  
OK I'm going no need to push. 
jane

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