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Poetry
Nereid
By virtual_stranger
17 March 2006
I have been writing poetry for some years, but have never had the courage to let anyone see any of it. But the time has come, and so here goes poem number one into the big wide world (or at least the world wide web).

I have chosen this one to put up first as it's one of my more 'finished' pieces. I really hope some of you like it, and I would be very grateful for your comments (but please be gentle with me!).

We swim in the water

lost in blue surges

We sit on the rocks

to let sun warm cool skin


 

You have gone under me

as light behind shadow


 

With bare breast and ripped dress

part she-goddess

part delirious

as you sing your sweet music

and worship the sea

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3457 comments posted) 17th March 2006
Hi there,so you're a poet, virtual-stranger, I'm a little wary of poetry but I like to dip in occaisionally to see if I'm missing anything. I thought yours was well formed and had a "proper" end(which many do not) It had some powerful imagery and it was concise.  
BTW I still like your name it's the perfect moniker for the web I dont suppose you'd consider a swap....no? Oh well don't blame you

Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 20th March 2006
I really like this. I wouldn't say that the imagery was 100% original but your economy of language invests fairly simple words ("sun", "music") with tremendous power, and leaves a great deal of space for the reader to get into the poem. Your middle stanza is very evocative - and incredibly sexual even though this isn't what you're dwelling on. And "lost in blue surges" encapsulates an enormous amount in four very short words. 
 
If all you're poetry is like this, I very much look forward to reading more.

Written by IPFaulkner (83 comments posted) 3rd June 2006
A bit like BBS I'm a bit limited on the poetry front. However, I liked this too. I was fond of the third stanza myself. I liked the first two lines a lot. 
 
Good luck 
 
IPF

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