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Poetry


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She steps...

By Lorna

31 August 2009

Hi Everyone,

I don't usually write poetry, but this just came to me and I had to write it down. This is the second draft as I've responded to Jane's critique.
Lorna

She steps...

She steps from bruised fruit shadow

Into mellow light

With timeless beating of her heart

Stealing through green-leaf mist

With hint or tint of vermilion-gold

Triggering berry bursts and fruit feasts flowing

Into blackberry wine, apple cider and plump plum brandy.

Autumn comes.

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5054 comments posted) 31st August 2009

I liked this for it's rich vivid imagery.
I did think it was spoilt by the word 'cometh' It just didn't belong and spoilt the flow.
cheers
jane

Written by Ahndee (105 comments posted) 31st August 2009

I really liked this because I think it describes Autumn extremely well with all the rich imagery and colours and so on. But I loved it because Autumn is theeeeeee most beautiful time of the year, and you've done it proud here!

Rosie

Written by Phil (8698 comments posted) 31st August 2009

It seems like it's been autumn for weeks - without the colour.

Some nice, rich imagery.

Phil

Written by Josie (4035 comments posted) 31st August 2009

Yes, Lorna I also liked your rich imagery and I would rate it highly in my list of good poems on GW. Thank you for such an introduction to autumn.

Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 6th September 2009

Hi Lorna,

Your opening line is really effective, I think, though I am unsure about the next three - particularly line 3; surely no heart is timeless? Just a thought.

Vermilion-gold is a wonderful description of Autumn's colour.

I really like lines 6 and 7 though I think some polishing is needed (unsure about 'Triggering')
The final line, I think, is superfluous.

Interesting read. Thank you.

Cheers

Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 10th September 2009

A colourful picture of autumn it is, and quite cheerful it seems; No falling leaves or sadness over a summer gone. Nice imaginary indeed.

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