This is for the real Raven, who helps to light up the lives of all of her friends.
Raven's Candle by Piper Lawrence
Memory Blank. Confusion. Who would understand? The mood of the group suddenly shifts. Everyone is happy, everyone is together, united together. Raven sits quietly in the corner, Raven sits quietly by herself. Do they even remember that she exists? They say they care so much about her, that they love her, but what if they're lying? They all used to crowd around her, she used to be their leader, they used to look for her guidance, not anymore.
Paranoia. Where they talking about her behind her back? Were the kind, concerned expressions just twisted masks? Were they going to leave her out in the cold? She'd always been different to them, something had always held her back. Betrayal. She looked at Harris and Ash. Ash, her best friend in the whole world, the person she had thought above all, that she could trust. Now she looked at them hugging and chatting casually, finally able to be together out in the open. They had bided their time well...
It doesn't surpise Phoenix, when Raven walks away laughing with Andrew. Phoenix watched, as everyone started to buy their ice creams. Would they even notice if she didn't buy her own? What would it be like to just stop? To just scream at them what the problem was. But she herself didn't even know what the problem was. Sometimes there was no problem, sometimes it was all just in her head, but the other times, it swept over her like a tidal wave, enveloping her in a sea of grief, and slowly, but surely, she was drowning.
She thought back miserably to her feeble attempt to tell Ash about her confusion and sadness. What was wrong with her? Even when Phoenix had finally admitted to basially sending a SOS to them all, by stopping talking, stopping eating hardly, just stopping, Ash had just said a few kind words of understanding and that was that. Being told by one of her other friends that everyone was doing that nowadays. Didn't they understand that she was drowning in their comments?
Ash watches without really seeing. Geez, Harris was so funny. They had finally made things work out. They had been starcrossed lovers, after a year, and two different partners, they were finally together. Raven had been upset, naturally, but it had been nearly a year hadn't it, since she and Harris broke up? Phoenix said it had only been less than five months, but surely it was longer than that!
Raven watches Ash. Raven watches Harris. Ash watches Harris. Harris watches Ash. Raven knew he would hurt Ash, just like he had hurt her. Raven was afraid, more afraid than she'd ever been. Sure she'd been in some mighty scary situations, but she could see them, she knew they were there. But Ash, being in love, thinking she was in love, with someone who Raven knew was going to hurt her best friend? She couldn't do anything, she was helpless. Ash and Harris being in love was something she couldn't fight with her fists, or anything else. Everyone's emotions were so fragmented and confused, who could see straight through this thick boundary of tension and conflict, guilt and innocence?
A fourth party watches on, unsuspected, unnoticed by them all. Phoenix knows what Raven's thinking. But Raven has absoloutely no idea about Phoenix's thoughts of desperation. Why can't people just open up? It was like she was pounding on a door, yelling at the top of her lungs to be let in and no one was answering, the message was being stuck and kept out by that door, that barrier.
To be continued soon...
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