Title: At Home With The Baldocks
Genre: Satire (hopefully)
Summary: Not much of a plot - just about a mother and her three kids at home. Mainly trying to point out things that people go through, e.g. teenage pregnancies/worries about their body image, etc.
Review required (mild, medium or spicy): I don't mind!
Other notes: If you like or don't like it, then please say!
Characters:
Louise - unbothered mother
Janet - pregnant 15-year-old
Donna - 13-year-old
Tom - 5-year-old son

SCENE - Janet is slumped lazily on the sofa, trying to balance a bowl of ice cream on her heavily pregnant stomach, Donna is sitting beside her watching television and Louise and Tom are watching television.

JANET: Hah! Look, look!

Janet lets go of the bowl, which is balanced on top of her stomach.

DONNA: (annoyed) What exactly are you trying to prove?

JANET: Nothing! God, what's up with you? Why are you being so touchy?

DONNA: N-nothing.

JANET: There's obviously something wrong with you. You've been moody all day.

DONNA: Well, if you must know... Me and Olivia -

JANET: The fat one?

DONNA: Janet!

JANET: Sorry. (Pauses) But is she the fat one?

DONNA: (sighing) She's not fat, she's (trying to find the words) a little overweight.

JANET: So, she is the fat one. Yeah, yeah, go on.

DONNA: Anyway, we were reading Bliss, and when we read a story about an anorexic 14-year-old girl who weighed three stones, she said I looked just like her!

JANET: Is that a bad thing?

DONNA: (sarcastically) What do you think?

JANET: (quickly) No, no, it's just that, that's kind of "the look" nowadays. Like, in almost every magazine, you see some C-list celebrity wearing a size 2 dress, and saying, "Look! I've lost five stone in three weeks" or something like that, and then EVERYBODY wants to copy them, coz they want to look JUST like them. Since I left school for maternity leave, I have tried to copy Liz Hurley's "One Meal A-Day" diet, but it's hard when you have a baby growing inside you and (laughing childishly) you get so many cravings!

DONNA: (seriously) But I don't want to look really skinny.

LOUISE: (unconvincingly) Darling, you're not anorexic. You don't force yourself to throw up everyday like some people, do you?

DONNA: No - because that's bulimia.

JANET: Tom, can you get me the peanut butter please?

Tom gets up to leave.

LOUISE: Oh, and can you get my ciggies, sweetie? Cheers, darling.

DONNA: Mum, I don't think you should smoke when there's a baby in the house!

LOUISE: (sighing) Darling, it's fine. The baby's in there (points to Janet's stomach) and we're in here. It's not as if it's crawling around and I'm smoking in its face. Cigarettes can't hurt the baby!

DONNA: No, but the air that Janet breathes in goes to the baby...

LOUISE: (weakly) Don't argue with me, I'm your mother. I know what's best for all of you. Now just be quiet, and watch the telly like everyone else. EastEnders is starting in a minute.

Tom returns with the cigarettes and peanut butter. Louise lights up a cigarette, Tom returns to watching television, and Janet puts the peanut butter in the ice cream. There is a short pause, before Donna abruptly jumps out of her seat. She then returns with snacks, e.g. biscuits, chocolate, etc, and starts to eat them.

JANET: Gees, are you starving or something?

DONNA: No, I've got to put on weight and be healthy.

JANET: You may put on weight, but you're not going to be healthy. Look at all those sugary stuff! You'll grin, and then everyone will see that you have rotting teeth.

DONNA: (desperately) But what can I eat?

JANEY: Um, you could try eating -

Janet suddenly jerks excitedly.

DONNA: What?
JANET: It kicked! The baby kicked again! Come feel it!

Donna puts her hand on her stomach and grins as she feels the baby kicking. Tom joins them.

TOM: (curiously) Is that the baby?
JANET: Yeah.

Donna and Janet start cooing to the baby.

LOUISE: (dragging on her cigarette) Can you lot please shut up? I'm trying to watch TV here.

Donna and Janet quieten down, and they all watch the television where EastEnders begins.

END.