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By Dragonshadow
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23 March 2006 |
look for second chapter in extended work
Chapter 1-The First Attack
BOOM! CRASH! “Quick son awaken intruders are invading!” “What?” “They’re firing canons and setting fire to everything we must escape to the safety room” “What about mother?” “I’m afraid she has already gone” “No I must see her, I must get to her” “ Noo stop don’t go no” Kaboom ......................................................................................................................
“Huh where am I?” “It is ok Tobias son of Senka,” says the mid wife. “, You fainted and were brought to the safety room and your father is out fighting” “So the war is at hand?” “Not Quite, young one, this is just a small attack to weaken our defences, just merely the beginning” Tobias gave a scornful look. “Why is the world like this? Why did they start the war?” questioned Tobias. “We, humans and all races chose the world to be like this, we chose this path, and not one side can start a war it takes two sides to start a war,” answered the midwife. “ I had nothing to do with this, it was the generations before me that started this!” he grunted. “No, but you will continue it”. “NEVER” shouted Tobias as he swiped all objects off the table in front of him. The door slowly opened revealing the nurse. “Senka is injured, he will live but his fighting days are over” “ What take me to him now” “Yes yes i will but since he has been disabled you will be taking over the throne, you will begin your training and educating in two days” “Now follow me and stop your chattering” Tobias followed the nurse to where his father lay and kneeled before him. “Father who did this to you?” asked Tobias. “It does not matter, what is important now is you learning to be a great king, and to do this you must learn all, fighting education and even the art of magic” answered Senka. “I will do anything to please you father and maybe even end this war!” “I promise I promise I promise” Slowly whispered the to be king.
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hello dragonshadow
Written by piperlawrence (16 comments posted) 23rd March 2006 | hello dragonshadow. Good storyline, origional and fast moving. The only thing I would suggest to change is make a little more storyline in between the talking, so it's a liottle bit easier to follow. However, it's highly inventive and origional and keep up the good work.
| missing something
Written by piperlawrence (16 comments posted) 28th March 2006 | | hey dragonshadow. although this story obviously has a lot of effort and thought put into the storyline, I feel when I read Chapter two that I've missed something. Perhaps if you added a little more to Chapter One I would be fully up to date. |
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