Dedicated to unfading
perpetual Hope
Once, some days ago, a thoughtful man was walking through the wind. He was blowing by the cold winter snow but nothing could make him stop his single way.
“Where are you leaving?”, he asked the Snow.
“Oh, you wouldn’t disturb me better”, He answered, “I’m looking alive to Santa”.
“It’s a material affair. But Christmas is over. Besides, our close February lavishly grants us his last caution; the winter is passin’.”
“Good Heavens! You are not enlightened on the subject matters you’re talking about. Naturally, Santa wouldn’t come to see you; thank him, he stepped in the Christmas night, an that must be enough for you. But his fellows constantly belong to the fixed winter schedule: we celebrate every previous winter day with the coming of every next. Certainly, you’re not invited. ”
“I needn’t at all. Probably, the list of invited persons is quite full? ..I’ll just prolong my walking.”
“What for?”, the Snow was greatly surprised. “You won’t meet me any more. You won’t have a chance to see Santa. Innocent man, come to you whichever house, lock the door and stay indoors until the winter end. As I see, streets don’t welcome you for now”.
“I’d like only to find a coat. Anywhere. To be fair, I’m cold, very cold. Than I wouldn’t need neither the twinkling house, nor the dim threshold waiting for my paces.”
“Persistent man. Look forward to the day which will bring you not such a wretched living, understand? Do not be so strong, you, people, however, can’t stand everything”.
“Agree, but when in my mind is Christmas, it whispers me to step. It wishes to see me one year more. Still wishes, realize? So I have no choice. Christmas is waiting for my presence the next year. And Jesus with It. I can’t deceive them!”
The Snow was silent. He just began to go faster. He was considering something.
“Take my greet to Santa. And of course to all your mates.”
“I’ll try”, the Snow mumbled in reply.
“Be careful. The stable ice is promised for today night”.
“I’ll try”, He muttered.
The Winter’s covering their tracks. They continued their approaching: one to his repeated and usual merrymaking, the other – to his alive and nonordinary dream of true happiness which may never safely land his nonexistent shores.
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I don't get it
Written by Ted_Iberrz (21 comments posted) 27th March 2006 | Really, I just don't.
Welcome to the site, and I don't want to come across as a negative person, but are you on drugs?
I've read 3 of your articles/stories, but dont' understand what you are trying to say. 
There appears to be a lot of ideas, mutterings etc but your written words are not making any sense to me.
Sorry.  |
Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 27th March 2006 | | Sorry, you may not like it, BUT drugs??... It's your own opinion, besides, many people find here something useful fot themselves. It's just an essay, and I am just a girl, besides, very fragile and honest. ...drugs?.. | Word selection...
Written by richard (88 comments posted) 27th March 2006 | I am guessing here, but I don't think that English is your first language. In which case, I think it is incredible that you are able to write what you do. However, I can see where the other comments are coming from. What you are writing comes across (to me) very much as stream of consciousness, and that combines with your use of word and sentence structure makes it read quite strangely at times. However - I think this is all down to the fact that you are constructing sentences in your own language but using English words.
Despite all this - I actiually fouind it nice to read - it had a pattern and a rhythm to it that was very pleasant. (And I wasn't on drugs either!!)
Hope this helps. TYou should keep writing and enjoy it.
R |
Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 27th March 2006 | Yes, you're right, it is not my first language. First of all thank you for the kind words. I want to ask - could you tell what way to change my sentences in? probably, i should use some other structures or exchange certain words? Please, your help here would be very requested.  | Hello, Nance!
Written by Bagheera (680 comments posted) 27th March 2006 | As a teacher, linguist and avid reader I assumed ESOL (English as Second or Other Language) was the main cause of the unusual sentence structure, so I'm glad my instincts were correct! 
If you'd like some help with suggested structures and other changes in your sentences you can send me a Private Message and I'll be only too happy to help!
Please let me know your native language - I sense it's not French or German, but I am fluent in a number of other (European) languages. This might help me to give best advice on the traps and perils of the Engllish language!  | Retiring gracefully
Written by richard (88 comments posted) 28th March 2006 | I'm not a linguist so I am going to retire gracefully and leave this to Bagheera! Goodluck and have fun. (I would probably have done more harm than good - my English can be pretty strange some times as well!)
| Ooops
Written by Ted_Iberrz (21 comments posted) 28th March 2006 | Hi, no offence intended, just a bit of sarcasm.
Nice to know there are some kind souls left in this world such as Bagheera who are willing to help out a fellow human being, and not everyone is as unhelpful as myself. 
Still it's better to receive any type of review (even negative) than nothing at all.
Keep writing - I'll leave the reviews to others.
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Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 28th March 2006 | Dear Bagheera!
My first language is Russian. In effect, I am a Ukrainian, but I speak both Ukraininan and Russian. I would be very obliged for any your aid. Thank you for you kind wish to help me! | Any help
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3331 comments posted) 28th March 2006 | | Hello Iv'e replied to some of your posts, I see you are Russian and Bagheera has offered to help you.I'm not as able as him but I do mark ESOL papers regularly. I will say your English is very good, last term I was marking the papers of U.N soldiers and most weren't as fluent as you so well done. I will just give basic advice. Keep your writing simple, use simple words,don't bother with complex, compound sentences,keep the sentences short. Sometimes people attempt a more complex style to impress but often it just confuses. Clarity always gets good marks. That's all from me. |
Written by Nance (86 comments posted) 28th March 2006 | | Thank you, Bottleblondesurfer, your words mean a lot to me. Your advice is also very important. Thank you for your wish to aid. |
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